Broken But Beautiful: The Forgiveness Series – Understand that Life is Unfair, but be Fair Anyway

Photo by Gideon Nandwa

I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]! For I have overcome the world. [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you.]” John 16:33 Amplified Translation.

Life has a way of dealing us cards that seem profoundly unfair. For some of us, those cards include the heavy burden of childhood sexual trauma, an experience that leaves scars that run deep. But did you know that in the face of life’s unfairness, we have a choice—to let our wounds define us or to rise above them?

In this last step of the forgiveness series, (read previous step here) I don’t want us to just talk about understanding that life is unfair; I’d like us to see the empowering journey of choosing fairness, despite the shadows of trauma.

The world, as it exists today, deviates from God’s original intention during creation. His divine plan envisioned humanity dwelling in a secure and affectionate environment. However, when sin entered the human race, a transformation occurred, introducing evil, wickedness, and death into our lives. Despite our rejection of Him, God has not abandoned us. Instead, He continues to seek us out and bestow goodness upon us, for He’s a loving and caring parent.

We suffer unfairness because evil exists. It is not God’s will for any of us to suffer the ugly pain of Childhood Sexual Trauma, or any form of abuse, but it is His will to heal us. He says in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome.” (The Amplified translation). Knowing this liberated me from the agony of asking ‘why’.

My ‘whys’ for suffering were endless, I couldn’t understand why a grown Christian male, who had a daughter, would choose to violate a young girl sexually. It almost seemed as though it was only happening to me because other girls around me looked okay. I could never understand why a man you cherish would not choose to protect you from his own vices. These thoughts humiliated me constantly. My inner voice, though frail, demanded justice.

In my desire for justice, I denied myself the joys of life. Receiving kindness was difficult for me because, in the past, it came with abuse. Any act of kindness felt like a setup. The constant state of hypervigilance was exhausting.

It’s like I kept postponing joy until the offenders were avenged. But this changed one time when I met a wise friend, who happens to be one of the few successful Christian young males in our country. I wanted to learn from him. So, I shared my journey and vision with him and the things I felt were holding me back.

He pulled out his phone and requested to read something to me from the Bible. I agreed, and he read, “Betrayals are inevitable, but great devastation will come to the one guilty of betraying others.” (Luke 17:1 The Passion Translation) I had never read that scripture before. I heard it there for the first time and it blew my mind to know that Jesus actually said that conflict or betrayal cannot be escaped. But those who harm others intentionally don’t walk free. I felt like a heavy, hard rock had been pulled off my chest! And my face brightened up after that.

That was a defining moment for me. It changed my “why” about suffering to, “How can I be free and repurpose this pain.” Because many survivors are languishing in pain not knowing that they can be free, that it was not their fault, that they didn’t deserve the violation, and that the ugly act of violation does not define them.

I began living my life in the reality that life is unfair, but I can be fair. I don’t have to be cruel just because somebody else is cruel to me. I don’t have to seek revenge on others just because they harmed me. I don’t have to act in evil ways just because I was treated unfairly. It is possible to feel anger and still address injustice in gracious ways.

Photo by Gideon Nandwa

What I’m learning in my healing journey is that our healing journey is a profound act of fairness to ourselves. We are worth the effort it takes to heal, to rediscover the beauty that still resides within us, and to reclaim our voices and our lives. For our bodies host the creator of the universe. It is valuable, it’s precious. Begin reclaiming your body by treating it well. Let go of self-neglect and embrace your body with love, grace, and consistent care. The world longs to behold your beauty.

Life’s unfairness can lead us down a path of victimhood, but we have the power to choose a different route—empowerment. This doesn’t mean denying the pain but rather using it as a source of strength to make life fairer for ourselves.

And for me, my turning point was when I stopped seeing myself as a victim and began living life from a healing point. I was able to see the resources available both within me and externally for my healing and for leaving a little sparkle wherever I go.

How does knowing that you’re not a victim make you feel?

Empowerment doesn’t stop with healing. It’s about using our experiences to help others who may be facing similar struggles. By sharing your story and offering support, you can make the world a fairer place for other survivors. As survivors, we have the strength to choose fairness, to empower ourselves, and to make the world a fairer place for all. What support do you need to begin honoring your voice today?

Dear Survivor, you are a beautiful story. Don’t dim your light, rise up, show up for yourself, and thrive. You are worth this healing journey. Remember, you are not defined by the unfairness you’ve faced.

Love, Faith

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