Nothing about Barbara Kamba-Nyathi is subtle. Barbs, as she is affectionately known, is bold, vibrant, fierce, and unstoppable. Since we first met her in 2018, this shero has been turning up the mic and leading much-needed conversations that facilitate healing. Her platform is so befittingly named Bold Dialogue.
The first time she shared her story with TWSC back in 2018, Barbara opened up about enduring an emotionally abusive relationship, struggling with debilitating pain from endometriosis, and surviving cancer. Her darkest moments awakened her purpose, and today, Barbs the Emotional Alchemist is the author of over 10 books, an inspirational speaker, social psychologist, entrepreneur, and a lifestyle and wellness coach.
Named as one of Amahle Magazine’s 25 most influential women in Zimbabwe in 2020 and Afrluencer Woman of the Year in 2022, Barbara’s workshops, masterclasses, and dialogues are transforming the lives of women in Zimbabwe and abroad.
While there is much to be said about Barbara’s accomplishments, today the conversation is about endometriosis and how it has impacted her life.
The last time I caught up with you was several years ago. What have you been up to since then?
I’ve written more books and mostly collaborate with other women. I started Bold Dialogue, an initiative platform that facilitates healing from generational and inner-child traumas. I also started a magazine during the pandemic and I’m on the radio. I host a Bold Dialogue initiative for men on emotional and mental wellness on Skyz Metro FM. It was inspired by my nephew, who is now three. I realized I was always focused on the girl child, but we need to change the narrative for the boychild as well.
I also have another program called The Diabetes Diaries that I’m collaborating with Calvin Madula, who is diabetic. We talk about living with chronic diseases like diabetes and focusing mainly on the psychological impact.
I also share what I call Stringed Moments where I read cathartic letters I have written with a band playing in the background. It’s a live event and people ask questions and share their own experiences on the topic of the letter. It’s been quite an interesting journey.
As you know, March is Endometriosis Awareness Month. You’ve shared about your health challenges with us before, how are you doing physically these days?
Well, my health recently took an interesting turn. In November last year, I was in Zambia for a health conference where I was invited to speak about cervical cancer. I had three heart attacks. It’s like my heart was ready to let go, but I kept being revived. So, I now have a heart condition. This is the first time I’ve actually spoken about it publicly. I have been going through the motions of acceptance. I’m adjusting and learning to live with this new condition.
I’ve learnt to be kind to myself by being acutely aware of my triggers so I avoid them and certain people who are also triggers. It’s a learning curve.
Some days are very hard, and the pain in my heart overwhelms me. I have to strike a balance and manage my stress. I’m learning, and I think I’m much better now in doing that.
Let’s talk about your endo journey. How did you discover you had endometriosis?
It was discovered when I was being treated for cervical cancer. I ultimately had a hysterectomy.
One of the misconceptions about endometriosis is that a hysterectomy cures it. No period, no pain; but that’s not often the case. How did your hysterectomy affect your endometriosis?
I think my hysterectomy was one of the final stages because the endometriosis had spread to other parts of my body. In 2010, half of my bladder was cut off. The disease also spread to my appendix, and I had an appendicectomy in 2012. It also spread to my spinal cord. So, mine progressed to other organs.
Since my hysterectomy, I no longer have periods or period pains, which is a cause for celebration! However, I experience the social implications of endometriosis and having a hysterectomy. I get people who judge me for not having a child or are afraid to get to know me. In fact, someone who was interested in me assumed I had a uterus, and when I told him about endometriosis he asked if I wouldn’t spread ‘whatever I had’ to him or our future children. When I asked him where he was going with this line of questioning, he said he needed to protect himself before asking me out.
I get some women who feel they must mark their territory like they are men because they are afraid that I will take their men. Some say I have too much baggage, but I’ve found that talking about all these experiences is very helpful.
We started Femmes For Teal, an extension of Bold Dialogue, where we focus on cervical cancer and reproductive health, which encompasses endometriosis. We’ve been having awareness campaigns and even had a talk on International Women’s Day. So we are trying to encourage women to be aware of their health and offer a safe space for women who want to talk about the pain they are experiencing or the challenges that come with endometriosis. So, now I’m more on the active side – engaging people, sharing information, and sharing my story more than I was before.
What advice do you have for managing period pain?
Let us not normalize period pain and make it seem like it’s something to be proud of. If you get period pains, it’s important to be checked. And if something feels off in your body, just go get checked.
Let’s not be afraid of treatment because it can save your life. People are always concerned about what people say. Yes, sometimes life will throw you a curveball. You may not be able to have children. It may even cost you your relationship, but you’d rather be alive than dying because you want to be called ‘Mrs. So and So.’
I want to encourage everyone to practice being kind to yourself. When you’re loving yourself, you watch out for anything that’s not normal on your body. You will take care of yourself, and you will make sure you get treatment. You will not push yourself when your body is tired. Just listen to your body and allow yourself the rest you need.
Vimbai E. is a content marketer, ghostwriter, and the founder of The Weight She Carries. With hundreds of articles and stories publishing online, in print and for broadcast, her love of language and storytelling shines through every piece of writing that bears her name.