Healthy Mind, Healthy You is a weekly column written by Mental Wellness Coach Cynthia M. Each week, she will share insight on how you can be live a healthier life. You can read previous articles from this column here.
Ever heard the expression,“this is a setup for a comeback”? Whether you have been told this or it’s something you have said to someone, it’s a statement meant to encourage someone who is down on their luck and feeling really defeated. It’s about learning that a setback is not the final bit in your story, things can always change. But how do things change when they went so terribly wrong? By being resourceful! That’s what I am sharing this week.
PILLAR 3: RESOURCEFULNESS
When I have also gone through my own disappointments, I have felt the hopelessness and despair of those disappointments. I didn’t get through it thinking about how bad the situation was, but by choosing to focus on the possible solution. So in dealing with disappointment, resourcefulness is first your ability to shift your focus from what you were looking forward to that hasn’t happened; second, an objective look at the possible solutions to the problem; and third, forming a course of action
Shifting focus from disappointment
Focusing on what has gone wrong is always reflex because you are upset and obviously some hopes have been dashed and you have unmet expectations. However, focusing on what can either be salvaged or can now be done to move forward takes a lot of strength. This is the strength of character I shared last week.
We have to be strong in order to face disappointment and shift from focusing on it to focusing on how to get back up. So, for example, when I was looking forward to all the events I was having this year and I was excited at all the positive feedback from people who were signing up, I did not anticipate that I would have to cancel all events for the year. Events are not just a great platform for my work but they are part of my income, so you can imagine having to rethink and reimagine a whole new reality.
I shifted focus and started thinking what my options where, could I do virtual events, virtual speaking engagements or virtual coaching sessions? I had no idea where to start on any of these but I tried and started asking around for the how to. I was resourceful in starting to look at what alternatives there were out there and started to discover things I had never been involved in that could now actually be very useful for me.
Shifting to new options also meant doing more research and engaging other people on what the new possibilities could be. I had to go back to the drawing board and restrategise. I know how easy it is to feel like quitting at this point and just “accepting defeat” but it’s important not to let a bump in the road make you cancel the entire trip.
When we choose to look at the new possibilities we open our minds to the creativity and resilience that lies within. Looking at a challenge with a positive outlook allows you to think constructively and that’s how you unlock the potential in that situation.
Learn to take several looks at a challenge and if you are not seeing solutions, get different constructive opinions and take another look. I always say as long as we are alive, something can always have a better outcome.
Forming a course of action
Identifying possible solutions and what could be done to salvage the situation can be done but it’s in the decisions that follow where we often struggle. Most people know how to identify the problem, some know how to identify solutions but very few know how to decide on what they will do. Especially after a disappointing experience, we tend to hold back on making new decisions. The fear of something going wrong again tends to cripple you and trap you in a cycle of indecision. So it’s important to keep your mind in an objective state, staying away from emotional bias. Mapping out what to do next can be scary but do it from a place of hopefulness and not despair.
As you handle all that was lost in this year, or in any other point in your life, know that disappointment is not the end. It is a stumbling block and although what you want may need to take a different form or course, life has a way of righting wrongs somehow. Remain positive and you will start to see “the out” from the place you feel you are stuck in.
Until next time remember, when you change your thinking, you can change your life.
Cynthia M is a Mental Wellness Coach trained in Psychology. She works with different individuals and groups to help them establish a more balanced state of emotional well-being so they can experience a better quality of life.
Connect with her on: