How I Found the Courage to Leave a Polygamous Marriage and Pursue My Dreams

Even though circumstances may have caused interruptions and delays, Mary Mahati never lost sight of her goal to pursue an education.

At the age of 15, Mary became the fourth wife to a man three times her age. It later became evident that this was not the life for her. She wanted more out of life and dreamed of going back to school. Today, she stands on the other side of that dream having achieved an impressive 20 points in her Advanced Level exams last year. She desires to pursue a degree in law. This is her story:

“My name is Mary Mahati and l come from Honde Valley. l am 30 years old and the fourth born in a family of five.

As with the Apostolic sect, girls are required and encouraged to be married before the age of 18. And since l was a member, it was normal for me to be married off at 15.

The man l was to marry was 45 years old at the time and had three wives already. This was not strange to me because my own father had three wives.

Growing up, some of our needs were not met, which normally happens in polygamous setups. l thought early marriage would help me live a more comfortable life, but l was greatly mistaken. At some point, a fifth wife was added to the mix.

Imagine…five women seeking the love of one man. The marriage did not work out for me at all.

As l continued in this strained polygamous marriage of five wives, my desire to continue school never left me. In fact, it grew as l saw other children going to school while l struggled in the marriage.

l knew that given a chance, l would definitely do very well in my studies because l had always done well in school. So, l made the decision to leave the marriage after seven years.

My father was not happy about me leaving because he said what l had done was unlawful, but l told him blatantly that l would rather stop living than go back to the marriage.

To be honest, leaving the marriage was the last thing l ever wanted to do; but at the same time, l knew it was the right thing to do because my life was at a standstill, and the marriage itself had no joy whatsoever.

At church, the elders instructed my husband to come to my family home and take me back but he never came. As with any difficult decision, l tossed and turned at night thinking of what would become of my life after leaving the marriage. What made it worse is that l had always thought l would be with one man till death did us part. This man had broken my virginity, which to me was a sacred vow never to be broken.

Those were dark days for me, it felt like the end of the world.

l found a job as a domestic worker about two weeks after leaving the marriage and worked for about three years before going back to school in 2019.

l was basically treated like an animal in some places of employment, which comes with the territory l guess because I was looked down upon. l was given little food, and not allowed to sit on the sofas or even watch TV.

In some instances, l was made to wash adults’ underwear, and the insults at times just caused tears to flow down my face. Nonetheless, this treatment only fueled my desire to go back to school, which led me to enroll in school in 2019. l was 26 years old at the time and went back to Form 3 [Grade 11].

Because my classmates were younger than me and l had a child already, they would often make fun of me. But l was not deterred at all. l pressed on until l sat down for my Advanced Level examinations and passed with 20 points.

My advice to anyone is: As long as you have a goal and are determined to see it through, absolutely nothing can stop you from pursuing it. Even if you fall, rise up, dust yourself off, and move on.

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