Two years ago, Shiko Kamiri found herself in a situation she had never envisioned for herself. Her 11-year marriage came to an end and she was left to raise her two children on her own.
“It was a very difficult year for me,” Kamiri told The Weight She Carries. “I tried to hold my little family together as I experienced both emotional and financial challenges. Parenting became a full-time job because my children, who were previously used to having a dad at home, only had me.”
Kamiri did the best she could to support her children through the transition but found herself slowly slipping into depression.
“I would only awake to prepare the children to go to school and go back to sleep just so that I could avoid facing life,” she said. “I ate too much and stopped exercising. This phase went on for the better part of 2017, and at some point, I felt as though I didn’t have much to live for.”
She spent her days consumed with self-pity.
Kamiri and her children had moved to a new neighborhood following the separation, and since no one knew her there, she was able to hide the extent of her devastation.
“It was easy to hide away in my house and not worry about a friend knocking on my door. It was therefore really easy to hide the depression from family and friends. I, however, constantly confided in my family, and friends who have become family, when I felt like I was coming to the end of the road. I always thank God for every support they have afforded me over the years as my children and I have braved our new life. On social media, I remained constant, and, save for one post, that was really a cry for help, very few friends knew about my separation.”
– Shiko Kamiri
In the years prior to her separation, Kamiri had discovered her passion for inspiring women.
In 2008, she started a group called Kenyan Mama where women were able to share parenting experiences in a private platform.
The more she interacted with members of the group, the more Kamiri realized that empowering women was what she was really passionate about.
When the site hosting the group – Ning.com – transitioned to a paid site, Kamiri closed the group but soon joined an all-female admin team of health and fitness enthusiasts called OLTPB (Operation Lose That Pot Belly) founded by Sidi Riza. The group not only inspired each other to adopt a healthier lifestyle, they held annual conferences in Nairobi and Kilifi, which focused on fitness, health and weight loss.
But when her marriage fell apart, Kamiri lost hope.
“I knew that I still wanted to inspire women, but didn’t feel adequate enough to do it,” she said.
In August 2017, Kamiri decided it was time to come out of hiding and face life.
“I was always afraid. Afraid of failing. Afraid of challenges. Afraid of lack. Afraid of just about anything that required emotional energy. But I looked outward and realized that there were many single moms like me – feeling lost, not knowing where to find encouragement, not knowing who to talk to.”
– Shiko Kamiri
Kamiri realized that the more she focused on other people’s problems, hers became more bearable, and SMSKE (Single Mum Support Kenya) was born.
“I decided to create a Facebook page where my only intention was to offer encouragement,” she said. “I wanted to share my challenges and other people’s challenges, and wanted every single mother going through a deep, dark moment, to know that she is not alone.”
Kamiri was overwhelmed by the response she received as single mothers flocked to her page.
“So many single moms were so glad to have a platform where they could be themselves without facing the stigma and ridicule they usually faced in many spaces they tried to fit in,” she said.
Kamiri said a support group is vital because it is a place where single moms can fit in without feeling like an outsider.
After running the page for a couple of months, Kamiri realized that creating a group on Facebook was necessary since this would offer added privacy, and women would be able to let their hair down.
“For single moms, being able to feel accepted in different groups of women has always been challenging. Being unmarried amongst married women sometimes is difficult due to topics they may discuss, or insecurities that may arise. Being a mom among single women without kids also becomes hard because moms tend to put their children first. Therefore, having a forum is like having a family where one feels understood and accepted.”
– Shiko Kamiri
“My vision for SMSKE may appear huge and unattainable, but my desire is to eventually have a Support Center where single mothers of all walks of life, and their children can come and get uplifted,” Kamiri said.
One of the main challenges of single parenting for women is finances since one income for most single mom families isn’t enough to cover needs, Kamiri said.
“When a woman, a single mom, has to try and balance being present in her children’s lives and bringing in enough income, the upbringing of the children always suffers. Single mothers need options,” she said.
SMSKE intends to offer options through training to increase streams of revenue for single moms.
“SMSKE has a vision to create holiday camps for single mom children, to offer them support and a sense of belonging, and also to teach skills in Innovation, Technology and Leadership,” Kamiri said.
In addition to SMSKE, Kamiri is a team member of CAMFEB Kenya (Career Mothers For Exclusive Breastfeeding), an organization founded by Martha Kimkung, that advocates for facilitation for Career Mothers to enable them to comfortably breastfeed exclusively for the first 6 months of a child’s life.
“When you focus on other people’s problems, you find that in your heart you feel like you have a purpose despite the fact that you are hurting,” she said.
To connect with Shiko Kamiri, find her on one of the following social media platforms:
Facebook Profile: https://www.facebook.com/shikokamiri
Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/SingleMumSupportKenya/
Blog: https://singlemumke.wordpress.com/
Vimbai E. is a content marketer, ghostwriter, and the founder of The Weight She Carries. With hundreds of articles and stories publishing online, in print and for broadcast, her love of language and storytelling shines through every piece of writing that bears her name.