Since a new month has rolled around, I find it necessary to address the status of our relationship.
I have tried over and over to break free from you, Past, but you keep contacting me. The moment I gathered up the strength to leave you, I packed up my 10 suitcases filled with memories we shared and escaped; running for dear life away from you.
The first days without you were liberating! It felt so good to enjoy the blessings of Today and bask in the promise of Tomorrow.
Slowly but surely, my strength increased. But being the jilted lover that you are, you wouldn’t let me have any peace. The thought of me being happy was too much for you to bear, so you came after me.
In an effort to ruin my relationship with Today, you began to whisper into my ear. You exaggerated the joy we shared when we were together and highlighted the problems with Today. You told me that Today and I don’t have history like you and I do. You insisted that Today wasn’t safe and rather unreliable because, according to you, Today is full of unpleasant surprises – unlike the stability you offer.
“I’m safer,” you said, “and don’t even consider getting involved with Tomorrow because he is even worse than Today,” you continued. “He promises but rarely delivers.”
Foolishly, I listened to you. I was afraid of the unknown. So with much hesitation and sadness, I packed up my 10 suitcases again and returned to you. I knew I would not be happy with you, but at least I was familiar with life with you.
There was no fear of surprises with you and so I stayed for a while. But you abused me again. Living with you was painful and threatened my very sanity. I was crippled with fear, misery and constant anguish. I spent my days with a fog of guilt and shame clouding my perception of reality. My nights were plagued with endless tears, as my pillow can attest to.
Eventually I realized that my relationship with you was extremely unhealthy and dysfunctional. So I’m letting you know the new rules I’ve put in place:
1. I’m leaving!
2. This time, I am only taking one suitcase! That’s all I need. I have taken the time to carefully select only the things that will enrich my relationship with Today, and subsequently, Tomorrow. Everything else I am leaving behind is on purpose!
3. Don’t you dare come to my door with any of the remaining suitcases under the guise of improving my current life without you! I have taken all I need from you in this one suitcase right here!
4. Since you like to show up on social media, don’t try to subliminally lure me back to you by tagging me in your posts or tweets…that’s childish.
5. Stop calling my phone and hanging up. I know it’s you and it’s rather annoying!
6. Don’t send me ‘Wish You Were Here’ postcards like you did last time. They will end up in the trash.
7. Tell your friends, Fear and Shame, to stop driving by my house and honking their horns. Nobody in the neighborhood likes them and they scare the little kids.
8. Please stop emailing me photoshopped pictures of yourself. I know the real you really doesn’t look that good.
9. If you are having a hard time living without me, please seek therapy.
10. Tell your puppet master, the Devil, that if he intends on binding me up, he needs to find a different strategy other than using you to discourage me.
Oh, and by the way, I have an advocate now. His name is Jesus! He is in charge of all my affairs, both personal and professional. He will make sure that you and I maintain a healthy relationship and that these rules are enforced.
You and I are not to have any direct contact with each other, as per the restraining order Jesus helped me fill out. If I am in need of anything from you, I will ask Jesus to pick it up for me. He is an expert in discerning what is useful and what should be discarded. If you don’t know who He is, ask your puppet master…he knows Him well and can explain His qualifications to you if need be.
PS. I almost forgot, about Today and Tomorrow…they may be unpredictable, but I’m not worried because Jesus is in charge of them both!
Vimbai E. is a writer, journalist, ghostwriter and the founder of The Weight She Carries. With hundreds of articles publishing online, in print and for broadcast, her love of language and storytelling shines through every piece of writing that bears her name.