Surviving Rape, a Broken Marriage and Now Widowhood – How This Woman is Turning Her Pain Into Power

Tell us more about yourself.

My Name is Samu Fortunate Zungu-Ludaka. I am a 33-year-old widow. I am a mother to my two biological children and one stepchild from my first marriage. I am passionate about women and their upliftment, which has led me to use my gifts, which are speaking and writing to not only highlight issues, but to give hope and encouragement.

A post on your FB stated you were raped, attempted suicide and had a failed marriage when you were still young. What ages were you respectively? What triggered each event and how did you deal with the situations.

Yes, I lost my virginity to rape at the age of 15. And when I turned 16, I learned that the man who raised me all my life wasn’t my real father. At this point I felt like I didn’t deserve anything good or beautiful because I had lost two valuable treasures.

That had an effect on my already low self-esteem.

I became a teenage mother at 18 to a baby boy, and by the age 19, I was expecting my second child, a girl. At 20 years old, I married my first husband, who was the father of all my children, my stepson included.

Because I had internal emotional issues I hadn’t dealt with, the new roles of motherhood, wife and dealing with my past traumas took its toll on me. I felt like I had failed not only myself but my children. I dropped out of varsity and I felt overwhelmed and stuck.

My relationship with my mother was a challenged one, and when I became a mother to a girl child, I felt I would fail her. So that made it hard for me to embrace and love her.

It was at this point, a month before my 21st birthday, that I overdosed on 17 pills. I was then taken to hospital after I passed out. By God’s grace they weren’t too poisonous.

It was when I was lying on that hospital bed that I realized that since my suicide (attempt) wasn’t a success, I had to find another way of surviving. I decided to work on my relationship with my daughter. I felt since she was still a baby, she won’t know how I battled to love her. I had a (desire) to change this.

I am Christian, so I spoke to God about it all. The pain, the guilt, the self-loathing; all of it. I asked God to teach my heart to love my daughter and by God’s grace today I do. She’s my closest friend. She’s very affectionate, so I get hugs and kisses all the time.

At the age of 24, my first marriage ended, this was in 2010. Late 2012, I met my now late husband. He was a medical student trained in Cuba but was now at a world renowned medical school in Johannesburg. We fell in love and six months after starting his job as a medical intern, he paid lobola (bride price) for me.

It was January 2016 that we relocated to the Northern Cape, a big province in South Africa where he worked as a medical officer. Due to this, I had to resign from my job at an accounting firm as an Accounts Payables Administrator to be a house wife in the Karoo. I started a hair business to keep busy.

It was later that same year that my husband became ill. I didn’t think much of it. Until the harsh diagnosis and prognosis declared that he had cancer and he didn’t have much time to live.

It felt like a nightmare. It was like I was watching a movie.

My husband fought to stay alive but on January 6, 2017, he passed on. He was 32 years old and I had just turned 31 years old.

The funeral arrangements were met with great challenges, from family feuds to insurance policies not paying out. But by God’s grace, he was laid to rest on the 14th of January 2017.

Two hours after seeing my husband’s casket lowered into his grave, I was left stranded without anyone to drive me from his family home to my home 671kms away. I had no choice but to drive myself from Colesberg to my home. I had never driven a car for more than 5kms before and this was a new car we had just bought a few months prior. I knew very little about driving, but it was either that or I risk my own death at the hands of my in-laws.

My mother and aunt were the only passengers I had. Thank God we made it home safely.

Who was/is your support system? 

Honestly, my friends and a few members of my family, including my then in-laws when I attempted suicide. When my second husband passed on, my grandmother suggested therapy and that helped. I also joined a widows NGO called Hephzibah Oasis Widows Retreat Center for peer support.

What are the major challenges you have had?

The rape, finding out that my dad wasn’t my real dad, poverty brought on by early pregnancy and marriage. There was also the stereotype of succumbing to circumstances and being stuck in unhealthy cycles of living.

What is your advice to some young women in the same situation?

I’d say you’re created for greatness. It may not seem like it now but you are, therefore, fight for your dreams. Respect yourself and others, no matter how much they’ve wronged you. By this you’re paving your way to a guilt free life – because this is wisdom. Seek professional help, this will help you in dealing with these issues the correct way.

What are your notable achievements? 

Overcoming everything thrown my way. I have been through so many painful things in my life. I cannot mention them all, but today I have turned them into power. I am able to speak to so many different audiences and be able to relate to them. Because I’ve been through so much – I know so much. Also, my relationship with my mother has been a work in progress. We’ve had to revisit the past in order to mend things and it looks really good now.

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