I’m sorry for what happened to you. It hurts, I can see. I see your desire to change your past. I can hear you asking, ‘Why?’ I see how exhausting it is to show up every day in masks that don’t fit you anymore. I see how fleeting control is to you. I see your lips moving, but I can’t hear your voice. Want a hug? Some water maybe? A walk in the park? I see your pain, dear survivor, and I want to see you thriving. This is possible.
See, the abuse left a wound in you that needs to heal. The wound might have scarred one area in your life, and sometimes that feels as though it damaged your whole system. You know why? Because “all the parts of us are entwined together. The threads of our being are woven together in such complexity that we cannot just take out one piece and look at it without considering the whole. To pull on one thread is to touch all the others. You cannot damage the body without impact on the mind, the emotions, and every other aspect of who we are.” Diane Langberg, “On the Threshold of Hope”
It makes sense when you say that you feel stuck. Now I see how this is affecting the other areas of your life. You are a lovely, complex soul, dear survivor. Though the facts of sexual violation remain, the truth is, you can still enjoy a peaceful life, delight in others, and navigate through daily challenges while hurting. Yes, this is possible!
This can be achieved through the power of the mind. Our brains are amazing organs. Trauma may have caused some degree of damage to our brains, but through the power of the mind, we can rewire our brains and thrive despite the pain. This can only happen when we deliberately care for ourselves.
When we neglect to care for ourselves, we risk losing our minds. See, we don’t lose our minds technically in a day. We lose it daily when we indulge in habits that don’t favour our healing. Having lost our childhood to abuse, we can choose to end the harm by caring for ourselves intentionally. The violation was not our fault, but healing is our responsibility, and we have the power to heal.
I invite you to consider dropping patterns that no longer serve your healing process, and choose to intentionally care for yourself. You’re not damaged goods (though you may be feeling this way). You are not trash. You are lovable! Your sexuality is still precious and sacred. The violation didn’t lower your value. Though the memories haunt you, remember you are in charge of your life. Your body belongs to you, not to the offenders.
Begin paying attention to your physical pains, and attend to your need with love, curiosity, and compassion. Refrain from practices that harm your system. Choose not to blame yourself for the illness you’re currently treating that came because of the trauma. Instead, nurse your body with the same kindness you’d show an ailing loved one.
Listen, you have suffered miserably for a long time now. Be a little gentle on yourself, seek help, and embrace the love and care you’re receiving around you. Begin showing up by caring for yourself.
Remember, you are seen, known, loved, cherished, and valued deeply.
You matter. Your precious body matters. 💜
Faith is a Children’s Content Creator at Learn & Grow enterprises, Storyteller and Mental Health Advocate. She tells her story to offer hope, help and healing to survivors of sexual trauma.