Things Your Kid Will Probably Never Say

1. I wish mom would do more dishes, mop more floors and fold more laundry rather than spend time with me. It’s really important to me that everything in this house is absolutely perfectly polished and manicured at all times.

Truth: Honestly mom, in most cases, I would much rather you spend time with me than have me sit alone and ignored in a spotless museum of a house. There’s nothing wrong with keeping a clean home and modeling responsible, clean habits, but don’t let that come at the expense of quality time. I mean, actual quality time, where your focus can be completely on me, because I feel like you are my world, and when you set aside all your work just to hang out with me for a bit, it makes me feel really special. More special than living in a clean house.

2. I really wish mom would feed me a more balanced diet. This carb overload is doing a number on my waistline and mom seriously needs to get it together! Throw some more peas in my dinner, lady! Where are my carrots?

Truth: I love your cooking, mom. I even love the way you order a happy meal. The way you pay for pizza. The way you microwave that ready-made dinner like a BOSS! I know you’re doing your best, and I know that sometimes you’re just so tired and you just want to make sure I don’t go to sleep hungry. What I’m trying to say is, thanks for dinner mom.

3. Please don’t hug me mom, I’m way too dirty!! I’ve been playing outside in the dirt and I would hate to get all this mud on you.

Truth: There is never a time when I don’t want you to hold me, mom.

4. I wish mom would not read me a bedtime story but rather use this time to get started on that assignment/report/paper that’s almost due! Doesn’t she realize she has other responsibilities besides loving and nurturing me? Enough already!

Truth: Refer to number one above. It’s not that I think your work is not important to you. It’s just that I want to know that I am more important to you.

5. Mom seriously needs to be more serious about everything! She needs to quit doing silly accents and making funny faces and playing on the floor with me. She’s a grown up and needs to behave as such.

Truth: Get silly with me! Let go and have fun. Laugh at dumb stuff. Play games with me. Tell me silly stories from your childhood. Hear my silly stories and laugh hard at every corny punch line. Don’t be embarrassed to get silly with my friends as well. The truth is they’ll be so jealous that I’ve got a “fun” mom. I want to make your hair look crazy and take loads of pictures! I want to do your make up and play pretend. I want to bake with you and mess up the kitchen (I will offer to help you clean up. Decline the offer. I will make things worse).

Remember that your kid may not really remember the specific things you did, or sacrifices you made for them. They may not even understand them. What they will remember is how you make them feel. They will remember your warmth and your smile and the sound of your laugh. They don’t care how good you are at crocheting and scrubbing a floor. They only care about how loved you made them feel. How worthy you made them believe they were of your very limited time.

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