I’m a girl that suffered and battled with low self-esteem for a long-time and spent over two decades seeking validation from others. Most people admire me from afar, saying to me, ‘Wow! I admire your life so much. I want to be like you.’ Many times I just laugh and say to myself, ‘If only you know what I have been through, you would be careful with making such wishes.’
My life story is just like the story of the diamond. Ever wondered how that shiny rock on your finger goes from being hidden in the ground to shining brightly as the centerpiece of your engagement ring?
Diamonds are trapped in what is called a mantle, a rough rocky-looking substance that is very ugly, usually dark and shapeless. No one would ever imagine that diamonds would be trapped in such an unlovely substance. The processes that a diamond goes through involve planning, cleaving, bruiting, polishing, inspection. And from there, the diamond enters the market, is purchased by a jeweler, crafted into a stunning engagement ring (or a piece of jewelry) and sold to you!
Just like the unrefined diamond, I wouldn’t say that my life has been a bed of roses. I was a girl that suffered and battled with low self-esteem for a long time and spent over two decades seeking for validation [from] others. I thought I would never amount to anything in life; people told me and my parents as well. At that point, my future was blurred and without hope until something changed: a process and refinement. I overcame and became refined. Today, I am grateful I went through the whole process of pain and rejection. This process that moulded me to be the Tokunbo who is still becoming today.
Tokunbo is a woman who loves God so much, loves people-development…especially women. All I want to see is people become the best version of themselves.
I do this easily because I am an internationally certified human resources practitioner and have been in the field for almost 14 years. I have helped people with career building and planning, hence connecting people to careers they are passionate about. I also channelled it into helping women turn their passions into profit. This has been really successful because when you channel your energy to what you are passionate about, you excel.
Tell us more about BI Empowerment.
I was conducting interviews for students due to the employability gap that needed to be filled in my country, Nigeria, where graduates are not trained with skills needed for the workplace. A simple scenario is when you invite 20 graduates for interviews, only two of them would impress you. For me, this was heartbreaking. This gap needed to be filled, and it became like a burden to me, and I had to figure out how to help them.
This led to the birth of BI Empowerment, which is basically free training for young people to bridge the gap between the academic environment and the workplace. It is not profit-oriented, but it was all about helping young people all over the country. This became a success as people from all over the world started reaching out on our platform.
BI empowerment took another direction when I was doing my ministry work in an unpopular slum in Lagos, Nigeria where I realized some children out there did not have anything at all, unlike me who was raised in an average family. I did not know how it felt not to have the basic things and a little bit of luxury. Many of those children could hardly eat one meal per day, and many of them were not in school. I had to do something.
I was led to focus on empowering women with skills and capital to start a business. This is because when you empower one woman, you have empowered a whole family of maybe four or five. Many children are able to go to school, and they are able to lead a better life because of this.
How do you manage playing such roles in society, being a mother, wife, coach, speaker, etc?
I am someone who teaches people to focus on one thing. Niche down, become an authority and an expert in that space, so LOL I have to live by example.
If you follow me, you will notice that all I do revolves around teaching and training. I am focused on training as an HR generalist, training and teaching as a coach, training women in entrepreneurship management in the slums, training young people with regards to bridging the gap that exists in employability and even in ministry. It all revolves around my gift as a teacher. This is clearly reflected also in my books. In a nutshell, the gifts are being expressed in various ways and it all boils down to what I am passionate about, which is to help people develop in their personal and professional lives.
Being a wife and mother, I keep work at work and make family a priority. It’s quite different now with the changes brought by the COVID-19 pandemic. I now have an office at home, but I do plan accordingly so that I balance my professional and personal life.
Tell us more about your book and how it applies to real life.
The Persistent Woman (Overcoming 20 Years of Rejection) was a deep, personal experience. Writing this book, it brought back memories that sometimes brought tears and many times smiles to my face…tears that reminded me of the pain and smiles that I overcame.
The book highlights the story of hurt, low self-esteem, rejection and the painful struggle to get an education. It describes the relentless process of building a career and the difficult road to entrepreneurship. It speaks about how I broke through limitations by persistence, resilience, hard work and grit into becoming successful in my personal and professional life.
The Persistent Woman concludes each chapter with a career or personal lesson. My journey inspires readers that no matter how bad the situation around you may be, this book will teach you to remain focused in the midst of the struggles and that you can be all that you aspire to be.
Your personal life includes pastoring in women’s fellowship. What would you say about the relationship between God and a woman in business or one who wants to make the most out of her career?
My life just connects with God – everything that has happened and I have been through. I am motivated by Proverbs 16:3, which was an eye opener to me as it talks about our thoughts as human beings to be in alignment with His will as our Maker. As people, we just make decisions without talking to God and consulting Him, but at the end of the day we begin to struggle.
I would like to encourage every lady in business to involve God in every step of the way, every decision, and all will go well. At the beginning of every year, I set my goals, but I consult God first, and then He gives me direction. I take action, and then I realise I have ease.
Tell us more about the Overcoming Rejection Workbook. What motivated you to start this venture, and how does it relate to your personal life?
We all pass through rejection every day. How we handle it is what makes the difference. I remember I was stuck for over 20 years, and when I got out, I realized that I remained stuck because I didn’t have guidance.
Working with women over the years and also managing a Facebook group, Nigerian Women Turning Passion to Profit, where I connect one-on-one with many women, I realized that a lot of women are stuck. Many from the pains and rejection of the past – it could be in marriage, relationships or even being passed during a promotion.
I discovered there was a need to help many of them, so I created the workbook to help people to begin to live the life they truly deserve for free as well as a course for people that need some handholding.
What do you consider to be the main keys to success for women?
- Successful women are not afraid of failure they step out.
- Your Network. They strategically choose people who inspire them and limit hanging around people who drain them.
- They spend their time and money on personal development.
- They set goals and take action.
- They take time out to relax and rejuvenate.
What is your advice to women who want to start or venture into business?
The secret is to find what you are truly gifted for or what you are passionate about. Spend time and money to refine them. Make sure your business idea solves a problem. Very importantly, remember it’s no longer a want-to-do, it’s now a have-to-do, and you must take it seriously.
If you need some handholding, get a coach to make the process faster for you, and to help you avoid making mistakes. And finally, don’t be afraid. Step out!
Tokunbo can be reached via:
Facebook: @tokunbofasoro
LinkedIn: @tokunbofasoro
Instagram: @tokunbofasoro and @the_persistent_woman
Clubhouse: @tokunbofasoro
www.tokunbofasorodashboard.com
www.tokunbofasoro.com
