In her new book, The Parenting Playbook: Preparing Your Heart, Home, and Family for the Journey of Parenthood, Bibi Babatunde-Ikotun helps people prepare for more than a baby’s arrival. She wants them to consider how parenthood will reshape their identities, relationships, faith, finances, and family life—and offers advice on how you can approach parenting with greater intention and grace.
When Bibi Babatunde-Ikotun became a mother, she discovered that the reality of parenthood was far more complex than the picture she had in her mind.
She had imagined pregnancy as a relatively smooth experience, perhaps accompanied by glowing skin and the excitement of preparing to welcome a baby. Instead, she was diagnosed with gestational diabetes, had acid reflux, experienced hyperpigmentation, and had to administer insulin and regularly monitor her blood sugar.
Even the moment she had anticipated—the emotional rush of meeting her baby—unfolded differently from what she had seen in movies.
“When I had my baby, I was just like, ‘Oh God, I’m finally relieved,’” Bibi told The Weight She Carries. “I didn’t have a crying, emotional moment that I’d seen a lot of people have, and at the back of my mind, I was thinking, ‘Is that normal? Like, should I be crying?’”
That experience helped Bibi see how easily women can measure themselves against expectations shaped by popular culture, family narratives, and the experiences of other mothers. When reality doesn’t match the picture we have been given, we often begin to question ourselves.
But what if the problem is not that new parents are doing parenting wrong? What if they simply have not been adequately prepared for how complicated it can be?
That question sits at the heart of Bibi’s new book, The Parenting Playbook: Preparing Your Heart, Home, and Family for the Journey of Parenthood. Through her company, With Love Bibs Co., she is creating resources to help individuals and couples approach parenthood with greater awareness, practical preparation, and a willingness to acknowledge the realities that often go unspoken.
An Intentional Journey into Motherhood
Bibi’s own path to motherhood was deliberate. She and her husband married in November 2019, but their first 14 months of marriage were spent living in different countries. While she was in Canada, he was in Nigeria, and the COVID-19 pandemic delayed their opportunity to begin married life together in the same home.
When her husband eventually moved to Canada, Bibi wanted time for them to settle into their relationship and establish their rhythm as a couple before considering children.
Her mother would sometimes ask when they planned to have a baby. Bibi occasionally responded playfully, asking, “Who told you I wanted to have a baby? Who told you I wanted to be a mom?”
Eventually, she and her husband felt ready and conceived in January 2023, after intentionally considering the transition they were about to make.
However, planning for a baby did not mean she could anticipate everything motherhood would bring.
Her pregnancy and birth taught her that preparation could provide a foundation, but it could not guarantee that the experience would unfold according to the plan. The gap between expectation and reality became one of the most important lessons she wanted to share with other parents.
The Conversations We Need to Have Before the Baby Arrives
Preparation for parenthood often focuses heavily on the practical things a baby needs: a stroller, a car seat, a crib, clothes, and other essentials.
Those things matter, but Bibi believes another kind of preparation is just as important.
“We don’t often have an opportunity to do that internal work of how becoming a parent really shapes you, changes your life, changes your faith, changes your relationship with your spouse, your friends,” she said.
Parenthood is not simply adding a child to an otherwise structured life. It affects a slew of things ranging from a person’s identity to their sense of community. It can change the way couples divide responsibilities, how they spend their time, and how they understand themselves.
Yet in some cultures, conversations about the difficult aspects of pregnancy and early motherhood are discouraged.
Growing up, Bibi heard older mothers sometimes caution younger women or newlyweds against sharing too much about the realities of pregnancy out of concern that the information might discourage them from having children.
“A lot of times, older moms would tell younger moms not to tell the single ladies or the newlyweds the truth about what happens in pregnancy and early motherhood, fearing they would not want to be moms,” she said. “I feel like they should be aware, so that way everyone comes in with a full expectation.”
While no one can predict every aspect of the experience, having a realistic understanding of what might lie ahead can help people make informed decisions and feel less alone when difficulties arise.
For Bibi, the goal is not to frighten people away from parenthood. This is where her book comes in handy. It makes sure that people are not left to navigate parenting challenges without the information, conversations, and support they need. Bibi wants women to feel seen and supported through resources that acknowledge both the joys and the demands of raising a family.
Making Room for Two Truths
One of the most significant lessons motherhood has taught Bibi is that love and exhaustion can co-exist.
A mother can adore her child and still find parenting difficult. She can be grateful for her family and still feel tired. She can find fulfilment in motherhood while wanting to continue discovering herself and pursuing other parts of her identity.
For women who have absorbed the idea that a good mother should always feel happy and fulfilled, admitting exhaustion can bring guilt.
Bibi wants to challenge that assumption.
“It’s that coexistence of things, how you can love being a mom so deeply and still be able to admit to yourself that this is really hard.”
That perspective also informs how she approaches her identity. Bibi is a wife, a mother, a professional, an entrepreneur, a content creator, and a pastor alongside her husband. Motherhood is an expression of who she is, but it does not erase every other part of her.
She believes women need permission to acknowledge the full range of their experiences without interpreting every difficult feeling as evidence that they are failing.
Building a Support System Before It Becomes Urgent
Bibi’s book encourages parents to consider not only what they need to buy before a baby arrives, but also the support systems they will need once the baby is home.
One section, titled “Building a Support Network,” invites readers to reflect on questions like where they currently feel supported, where that support is missing, and what makes it difficult to ask for help.
These are questions she encourages couples to answer together.
A baby may need to be collected from daycare when both parents are at work. One parent may be exhausted while the other is trying to manage household responsibilities. Without conversations about expectations and available support, ordinary pressures can become sources of conflict.
Bibi wants couples to begin discussing these realities before they become emergencies. Her book also explores communication, the changing dynamics of marriage, and what she describes as the “roommate phase” of parenting.
When couples are caring for young children, their relationship can temporarily become more focused on logistics than romance. Conversations that once revolved around each other may become centred on laundry, meals, childcare, and who will handle the next task.
That partnership may require finding new ways to connect. An evening date may not always be possible, but a morning coffee together, breakfast after dropping a child at daycare, or a simple foot massage after the baby has settled can create small moments of connection.
“I call it micro ways of connecting,” she said.
Writing a Book While Living a Full Life
The idea for The Parenting Playbook began with a question Bibi posted on Twitter in January 2025.
She had been thinking about how churches often provide premarital counselling but offer fewer structured resources to help couples prepare for parenthood from a gospel-centred perspective.
Her post drew encouraging responses from people who agreed that such a resource was needed. One woman, Lizzie, who attended the same church as Bibi, asked whether Bibi herself should write it.
Her first reaction was uncertainty.
“My child is like barely one year old. What do I know about becoming a parent? It cannot be me. I’m sorry, it’s not me,” she thought.
But the suggestion planted a seed. The following week, she began outlining possible chapters and considering what the book should include.
Bibi Babatunde-Ikotun: How I learned to Own My Scars
The project did not progress in a straight line. Life became busy, and she set the manuscript aside. She returned to it, paused again, and eventually realized that if she continued waiting for the perfect circumstances, she would never finish.
To make progress, she began dedicating late-night hours to writing.
“After nine, after 10 p.m. every night, I would give myself two hours, 10 p.m. to 12 midnight—two hours of writing pages and pages,” she said.
The Parenting Playbook: Preparing Your Heart, Home, and Family for the Journey of Parenthood is designed primarily for women who are preparing for motherhood, expecting a baby, or raising young children. However, Bibi believes the resource can also benefit their spouses and the people who support them.
The book includes reflective prompts and writing space to help readers examine their expectations, identify support systems, and discuss practical arrangements with their partners.
Through With Love Bibs Co., Bibi hopes to develop thoughtful resources, facilitate meaningful conversations, and create intentional experiences that help people navigate parenthood and family life with greater connection and support.
Parenthood can be beautiful and difficult, fulfilling and exhausting, all at once. Parents do not have to deny one truth to make room for the other.
Her final advice is simple but important: be kind to yourself.
“You’re not a bad person or a bad mom or dad. Be kind to yourself. Be so gracious to yourself. Practice radical graciousness to yourself.”
And sometimes, the most important preparation is learning to extend ourselves the same grace we hope to give our children.
About Bibi
Bibi Babatunde-Ikotun is the founder of With Love Bibs Co., a platform focused on helping individuals and families navigate the transition into parenthood. She is a wife, mother, professional, content creator, business owner, and pastor alongside her husband. Her book, The Parenting Playbook: Preparing Your Heart, Home, and Family for the Journey of Parenthood, is available through her website at withlovebibs.com and through Amazon where available. A digital PDF version can also be purchased directly from her website.
Vimbai E. is a content marketer, ghostwriter, and the founder of The Weight She Carries. With hundreds of articles and stories publishing online, in print and for broadcast, her love of language and storytelling shines through every piece of writing that bears her name.