You weren’t the one he wanted, and everyone knew it. In fact, you were constantly haunted by the fact that the only reason he married you is because he was tricked into it.

He was happy with you when your identity was concealed. When he thought you were someone else, he gladly accepted you. But as soon as he peeled back the layers that covered you and discovered you weren’t whom he had desired for years, he couldn’t stand you.

You know from experience how painful it is to be married to a man who doesn’t love you.

He’s angry. You weren’t his choice. You watch as he goes off to confront your father. He feels he got the short end of the stick because he married you.

“What is this you have done to me?”

Those words sting.

You don’t know what hurts more: the fact that your father thought that no man would willingly marry you, or that the man you call “husband” doesn’t see your value.

This should have been the happiest time of your life, but you are in tears.

You wait as the two most significant men in your life bargain over you, and because you are a woman, you have no say.

They reach a resolution. It is satisfactory to them but leaves you disadvantaged.

You are his wife, and because God said a man should have only one wife, you know God recognizes you as Jacob’s wife. You were first but that doesn’t seem to matter.

He is your husband, but now you must watch as he takes up another wife. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt so bad if she were a stranger. If you hadn’t known who she was maybe you could have stomached it. But she is your sister. Now you must compete with your blood for your husband’s affection.

You were never the pretty one. Rachel got all the attention. She wasn’t just beautiful, she had the curves to match.

In a way, you understand her plight. Like you, she didn’t have a choice. But it still hurts. And now you witness the man who married you shower your sister with affection. He doesn’t even pretend to love you.

You know from experience how painful it is to be married to a man who doesn’t love you.

You try to gain your husband’s love by compensating in other ways. Maybe he would love you if you outdid your sister. Maybe if you tended to his needs, kept his stomach full, kept the house clean and greeted him with a smile each evening when he came in from the fields…maybe then he would love you.

So, you busy yourself with learning his desires and you cater to him day in and day out. But it’s no use. He willingly enters Rachel’s room at night, but you must plead with him to come to yours. She’s the one he shows off to everyone and whom he romances. She gets the gifts. All you get are crumbs. She is the one whom he reveals his heart to while you pick up after him.

Finally, some joy

You give birth to a baby boy and name him Reuben because you think your husband will love you now. But he doesn’t. You’re still invisible to him.

You have another son and name him Simeon. God has seen your misery and granted you a second son, you say, so this time will be different. But it isn’t. Rachel is still loved more.

You conceive again. The third time has got to be a charm, you hope. So you name your son Levi because surely this is the son who will bind you and your husband. But it isn’t so.

Three sons later you realize that there is nothing you can do to gain your husband’s affection. You have exhausted yourself trying to please him and make him love you. And no matter how hard you try, it is all in vain because she will always have his heart.

You now accept that he will never see your value, but God does.

Slowly you begin to shift your focus towards your creator and resolve to stop begging for something that is free. Now you realize that someone else’s inability to love you has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. So by the time your fourth son Judah arrives, it’s all about God, and you are full of praises to Him. You realize that His love is far greater than the love any man can give you.

Dear Leah, you were unloved and overlooked. You were invisible to your husband, but God saw you. Your husband didn’t choose you, but God did. And generations later, the Saviour of the world came through the line of your son Judah.

Now you know from experience how wonderful it is to be loved by God.