Bestselling Author, Certified Life Coach and Speaker Monica Kunzekweguta was born in Zimbabwe and raised by both parents till the age of three when her parents divorced.
Although she had female guardians within the family, her father played a pivotal role in raising her and set a strong foundation for her. Religion was a big part of their family life, and the children were raised to follow church doctrine.
The church was against educating girls beyond grade school, but instead promoted child marriages, which was never what Monica wanted.
“I completed (the equivalent of ) Grade 10 and was excited to begin 11th Grade,” Monica told The Weight She Carries. “At this point, conflict of interest between the church my father belonged to and his values intensified, the church did not encourage educating girls beyond grade 9.”
The pressure from the church to pull Monica out of school built up day by day, the decision lay in one man’s hands – her father, who was also an elder in the church.
“Girls were expected to marry young, I was already 16. Men from that church who were in their 40s used to turn up at my boarding school asking me for a date. This was emotionally unbearable and embarrassing. I was too embarrassed to tell the school officials or anyone. I didn’t want anyone to know that I was part of that church. This went on for four years, despite all that, I managed to pass and qualify for Grade 11.”
– Monica Kunzekweguta
It was well known that girls who would not submit to the idea would be kidnapped and forced into marrying older men.
One fateful day, two weeks before beginning the semester, her father told her she could not continue with her studies.
“The atmosphere in the lounge was sombre, and after a long discussion I realized that father was not going to budge. I knew that this time things were different,” Monica said. “I got very upset and felt betrayed. I had so many questions for my father, whose only response was to say I was showing signs that when educated, I would challenge men. I needed to do something, my future was now in my hands. I needed to act fast.”
“In that moment, my mind wandered back to an incident two years earlier when I attended a conference. During the service, I sat facing one of the prominent leaders. I felt uncomfortable, as he kept staring at me. After the service, two men followed me to our tent, and told me that, their leader got a prophecy that I should marry him. I knew what this meant, but I was not one to be intimidated. I told them that I was not interested. I hated being there with a passion, but I had to obey my parents. They didn’t like my response, and that they failed to convince me. They approached me with so much confidence, and thought it was a done deal. Now they had to go back and explain to their boss, how and why they failed.”
– Monica Kunzekweguta
Monica knew at that point and time that she was no longer safe – they would kidnap her and she would be forced into marriage. She had to quickly come up with a plan.
“Before going out to join my friends that evening, I wore my long garment covering my dress and used my white scarf as a burka to cover my face,” she said. “I knew that those men would come out in droves looking for me. I decided to take my six-month-old half-brother and carried him on my back to blend in with young mothers. No one approached a married woman, that way I was safe.”
Several men walked in pairs looking for Monica, they carried torches and sticks, they had a description of her and asked around all night. When that ordeal was over, Monica vowed to never set foot in the area again.
“I didn’t want to take any chances. At dawn the next morning, I ran away from home and went to live with my maternal side of the family in a different town,” she said.
“I did what was unheard of…I defied my father’s authority and brought shame on him. For a while I was the talk of that religious group. I am sure it was difficult for my father to be taken seriously by this strong patriarchal community. I became the girl who rebelled. My actions ruined the relationship I had with my father in a big way. For many years it was difficult to communicate. I am thankful that the bond between us is now very strong. Having him back in my life brought back the balance I had lost.”
– Monica Kunzekweguta
Monica went on to complete a degree in Sociology, and moved to the UK, where her mother had moved to after divorcing Monica’s father in the 70s.
Monica’s act of bravery caused the religious community she was once part of to rethink the idea of educating the girl child.
“It was nice to see the change. Girls are now going to secondary school; some go as far as university,” Monica said. “I did not even realize that my act of rebelling would eventually liberate the other girls.”
“I am glad that at that time I did not have the safety net syndrome, where I would have avoided anything that threatened my safety and security. At the tender age of 14, I had faced so many challenges, some of which started when I was even younger, but I did not leave it to someone else to save me. At 17, I took this bold decision to leave home. I took the plunge and stepped into the unknown. No matter how traumatic your past, how devastating your situation is, or how poor your upbringing was, you can move forward beyond the struggle, beyond survival, and thrive. It is important to realize that no situation is permanent.”
– Monica Kunzekweguta
On Challenges:
The challenges I have faced as a woman, given where I came from, was building my confidence and self-esteem. When your parents divorce when you are a toddler, you kinda feel like you need to look after yourself. In our days, not many parents were divorced, so I carried this shame. People used to judge me and were dismissive, indicating that I would never amount to anything As a single woman, I have to know that I am enough and not yield to pressure to marry the wrong person because other women are getting married.
It is through my journey that I have found my purpose. Writing healed me, and I realized that there are a lot of people, women in particular, who are wounded. They need to heal so they can thrive.
Key Lessons:
- Forgive yourself and those who caused you pain.
- Read life edifying books.
- Self-love is important, you can’t give what you do not have.
- Be around people who have a vision, dream and are actually doing something about it. That way you support each other rather pull each other down.
- Don’t be afraid to be alone, because when you focus on your goals and you start to improve some people will walk away.
- Your friends and your relatives are not your customers. Don’t be offended when they don’t buy or seek your services.
- Find your purpose and fuel it with desire.
- Make a definite plan by setting goals.
- Have a clearly defined vision. A useful tool is creating a vision board. Choose images that are connected strongly with your emotions. Where there is that connection, you are able to create an environment, which supports you to manifest what your heart’s desires are.
- Do not allow fear to paralyze you. Think about it…what is the worst that could happen? I usually say, if the worst thing to happen is not death, then march on towards your dream.
Achievements:
- Bestselling International author and compiler.
- Certified life coach, speaker and publisher.
- Project founder of Inspiration for kids International – a charity which provides library books to children. In rural areas.
On finding strength:
Make a conscious decision to change your emotions. Change your thoughts about events which are affecting you, or have affected you, leaving you without confidence and hope. Focus on your dreams, your goals, and the desired results. If your goal seems too big, focus on what you can do today to move towards your goal.
As early as age 11, I already knew what I wanted. I realized that the church my family belonged to did not support my dreams and my goals in many ways. Is your situation supporting your growth? I wanted a better life for myself, and that is what I focused on. I did not allow the possibility of being kidnapped to take my focus away from my exams.
When I was 15 years old, I crafted my way out of a possible kidnap. I avoided getting married to a man who already had 11 wives. At 17, I made this decision because I knew that I wanted to own my life. I took charge. You can do the same, and be in control. Your situation could be a lot worse than what I went through, but you can do something to change the direction of the tide.
Have clarity in your mind, what is it you want to enable your subconscious mind to work out, or to help solve? Just map out your way to achieving your goals, and live the life you want. Remember even when you want to plan a road trip, you need the destination address or you won’t be able to plan which route to take. If you enter the wrong details in your GPS navigation device, it will tell you that, “destination not found.” The same principle applies to our goals. Vague goals will not lead to your dreams.
Advise to women and young girls:
To young girls and women: Your story is important, it matters. Without it, you will never find your purpose because if you follow successful people, you will find that their struggles drove them to solve a problem, and that is how they created their wealth.
Do your best to live by these virtues:
1) Master your Mind – cultivate your mind, it will blossom. The quality of your thoughts determines the quality of your life.
2) Follow your purpose – discovering your life’s work brings lasting fulfillment. Get clarity on personal, professional and spiritual goals.
3) Understand the art of self-leadership – success on the outside begins with success on the inside.
4) The power of discipline – live with discipline by consistently performing small acts of courage.
5) Your most precious commodity is your time – respect it…it is non-renewable. Focus on your priorities, maintain balance while learning how to simplify life.
6) Selfless serve to others – your contribution in elevating others makes your life reach its highest dimension.
7) Embrace the present – live in the now and create the future you want.
“Our stories come from our adversities. We celebrate success because it is at this very moment that we pause, look back to review the number of handles we have had to go through to get to this point.” – Monica Kunzekweguta
