Born in 1959 in Ndola, a city in Zambia, Priscilla Scaufelberger is the firstborn in a family of eight. She grew up with her grandmother in Twapia Township; however, her grandmother’s house was close to her mother’s residence.
“Our family was lazy and poor,” Priscilla told The Weight She Carries. “l was involved in fights at home and at school. Teachers labelled me as a stubborn, spoiled child. The labelling hurt me very much that it was a way of seeking attention. If they had asked me the cause behind my behaviour, maybe my suffering would have not gone far, but no one bothered to find out and it never stopped.”
Priscilla states that sexual abuse from her father started at the age of five, just before she started primary school.
“I grew up sleeping with [my parents] in the same bed. The first time, l remember he spat saliva on his fingers and rubbed it on my private parts,” Priscilla said. “He said that it will be less painful and sadly it was in the presence of my mother. They said that l should not tell anyone, not even my grandmother.”
“My relationship with my father was filled with fear and pain. He was very protective to the extent of choosing which friends l should associate with and he also made sure he took me to and from school, if available. Whenever I disobeyed his rules, I would be punished by being deprived of going to school. At [one] time, I was locked up in a flat for more than a year and used as my father’s sex slave.”
Priscilla Schaufelberger
It became clear and open to some people that she was playing ‘wife’ to her father who had a polygamous marriage with three wives.
“Other people knew me as his younger wife…the fourth…others knew me as his only wife and others as his daughter. l was not allowed to speak in the presence of people; he did all the introductions. I knew deep inside that this was not my destiny,” she said. “I decided to [go] to live on the street and here l am today…It was tough. One day when I was tired of the suffering, I made the decision to report my father to the police.”
Priscilla had a difficult relationship with her mother.
“In my life l don’t know that motherly love; it was not there from the beginning. I felt safe being with my grandmother,” she said. “[My mother] said not to tell anyone, not even her mother, [about the abuse]. She did not love me. l don’t understand her. She died in my hands two years after her husband in 1994.”
Priscilla went on to have a daughter who was unfortunately raped when she was eight months old by Priscilla’s step-brother.
“Our neighbour who was three houses away from our house sent someone to call me. I was there in 20 minutes. When l came back, l found my brother holding my daughter. He was looking so scared, holding her on his side. l was trying to figure out what happened. Where was the nappy (diaper) now? Did she mess up? What happened? Did she fall down? Her crying was like she was hurt and in so much pain. I stretched my hands so that he [could] give me my daughter. He did not resist with her and l discovered the worst l never expected. She was raped.”
Priscilla Schaufelberger
Priscilla explains how this affected her.
“I cried and asked one of [the children] l was keeping to go and call the neighbour who had earlier sent someone to call me. She was surprised; she said it was a curse in the family. I was furious,” she said. “Dad came after l had taken her to the hospital and my worst nightmare was confirmed that she was raped and bleeding. I cried my lungs out. His son has done the same like his father did to me.”
Her main aim was to report this case to the police as she wanted justice. However, she hit a wall when her father got to know of this.
“He grabbed me close and asked me if I was out of my mind. He told me clearly that I was not going to report the issue as this would tarnish his image as he was a well-respected man. The only way to reprimand the step-brother was his promise to send him back to his mother. She suffered worse than me…at eight months! That hurt me more. l asked myself what l [had] done to go through all this. Now it has even gone to another level: raped by both father and son. It took time for [my daughter] to heal, but no justice was done to his son. From that time, l was very protective of my daughter. l developed some love because we shared the same [experience] – raped at a tender age.”
Priscilla Schaufelberger
Getting no justice, Priscilla took out her anger on his children that she was taking care of. She punished them for the slightest mistakes. Before long, she was pregnant for the third time.
“I take each day as a blessing from God. I don’t trust people because l was not protected by my father. I use my past positively as a voice to the voiceless, an inspiration to the sexually abused survivors and other forms of abuse.”
After her stolen childhood, Priscilla found love.
“l met my husband in 1999 in Harare, Zimbabwe. He is God sent because he said, ‘Let us leave the past behind.’ He learnt of my past after seven years when he came to see our children’s home in Zambia. After that he said, ‘you were a child; it was not your fault.’ He has never referred to my past…He is the man, being our foundation.”
“My plea to fellow survivors: Focus on education; that’s the number one key. Find something to keep you out of the victim role because you are [a] survivor not a victim! Remember to give back, helping in the community. You can’t erase the past, but you can create your future. Above all, humble yourself. I see a movement of survivors who can speak, shout and inspire!”
Priscilla’s achievements include authoring her biography, Stolen Childhood: the 3Cs, being a recognized anti-gender-based violence activist, counselling survivors, and working with civil society organizations. The Priscilla Schaufelberger Home of the Abused Foundation (PSHAF) supports women and children who have survived abuse and are trying to rebuild their lives.
