The door cracks opens…
You’re surprised.
You have knocked on so many doors you’ve lost count. You became used to doors that never opened, even though you knew there was always something on the other side. Sometimes, you’d heard promising footsteps on the inside of the door, or you’d heard voices quieten down as the sound of your knock interrupted the flow of conversation.
“They hear me! Maybe they’ll let me in,” you thought.
But no one ever did…until now.
As the door opens wider, you instantly feel yourself shrink before the giant that stands in the doorway. Behind him is something you have longed for, but he’s in the way. It’s like he’s policing the door to your blessing and you stand in his shadow as his power and authority loom over you, making him look 10 times larger than he really is.
You slowly open your palm and raise it upward, presenting your seed of faith to God in the presence of this giant standing before you. The giant chuckles. You look down into your palm and suddenly that seed of faith looks so much smaller than it did before – so small you can barely see it now.
“You can’t do anything with that! ” the giant says, as his chuckle turns into laughter that draws an audience.
You close your palm quickly and walk away embarrassed, secretly wondering if God is laughing at you too. Your seed of faith just collided head on with reality, and you are left wounded. As you retreat to lick your wounds, the pep talk you gave yourself to muster up the courage to try one more time melts away. Now in its stead are words of defeat…
“Who did I think I was, anyway? How could I have ever thought I was good enough? I must have been crazy to actually believe I deserved something so wonderful.”
One of the toughest things to do is to keep pushing forward when your faith and reality don’t seem to line up.
Over time, your emotions settle, and a message that was too delicate to survive your erupting emotions is now safe for delivery. It’s from your heavenly Father.
My beloved child,
You were right – you aren’t good enough, you’re better. Your faith is designed to lead you to me, but I was not behind that door…
Vimbai E. is a content marketer, ghostwriter, and the founder of The Weight She Carries. With hundreds of articles and stories publishing online, in print and for broadcast, her love of language and storytelling shines through every piece of writing that bears her name.