A pearl is a rare, valuable treasure that needs no polishing or cutting by man. Pearl Spilile Muguti, is a woman who has lived up to her name. She is a rare treasure and a strong lady who has gone through hardships in life that were meant to break her, but today she celebrates her strength and resilience. She is a 36-year-old mother of two, lives in South Africa and is the founder of Pearls Cakes and Events. This is her story of finding love again.
Tell us about your first marriage and how it came to an end.
I was married at a very early age (17) to a soldier. I did not get married the proper cultural way. I went to live with my boyfriend due to a misunderstanding that had occurred between my dad, stepmother and myself. We stayed together for about 11 years, and I had my first daughter in 2004. Marriage life wasn’t all rosy, it wasn’t an easy journey at all. My ex-husband was a womaniser, but I never questioned nor did I understand what was happening. He would come home with his girlfriends in my presence and sometimes he would physically abuse me in (their) presence.
There was one time I was infected with an STI and I wasn’t even aware because I was still young. I contracted vaginal warts. I only informed my brother’s wife (maiguru) who was also young. I was expecting at that time and I could not give birth the normal way because of my situation. I was hurt. I delivered my baby in August of 2004, but the challenges never stopped. He did not end his extra marital affairs, but because everyone said, ‘Ndizvo zvinoita dzimba’ meaning ‘that is how marriage is’ and the fact that I loved him, I truly felt it was going to be okay and I had to persevere.
In 2008, I got pregnant again. Two months into my pregnancy, he left me because there were rumours that the child wasn’t his. He left me despite how much I tried to explain. In 2009, I was blessed with a baby boy and my family, especially my mother and sisters, were the greatest support system. They were my pillar and gave me strength during this difficult time.
My ex-husband came back after a year. I accepted his apology and we moved in together again. He worked out of Harare and I even decided to move closer to him thinking it was for the good for both of us but nothing changed. In 2015, he took a loan and I used it all as I wanted to revenge for all the pain he had caused me. To me it was a way to relieve my pain and his betrayal but to him it became a big issue.
I decided that enough was enough and it was time to move on since I felt nothing but pain. I told him it was time we went our separate ways. In October 2016, I moved to South Africa and decided to work. I left my children with my mum.
How did your experience affect your perspective of life and love?
I became so negative about love and men. All the abuse I experienced in my first marriage made me feel every man was the same. I thought I would never love again.
How did you get through that rough time?
My children gave me the strength to go on and look forward to each day. I did not give up because of them. Prayer was the key that made me move forward.
What would you say are the red flags one should look out for in a relationship?
1. A cheating man is a dangerous man. If you see a man cheating on you, he doesn’t respect you.
2. [Actions] speaker louder than words.
Tell us about the events leading to you meeting your now husband.
In 2016, I decided to relocate to South Africa to work. That is where I met my husband. I thought I was there just to work and take care of my kids but I found love. We fell in love, but it took me time to understand and open up to him because of my past.
What did you like most about him?
My husband is a loving man. What I like most about him is he comforts me when I am down. He was like that when we met and is still the same. I prayed about it and God showed me that he was the one. He showed me in so many ways that he loved me and I felt truly cared for. In July 2018, he proposed. He did not take his time making me his wife. I said yes because I knew he was the man for me. In 2019, he paid my dowry and we officially became married. To me, he is the definition of love and reminds me everyday how much he loves me. No one is perfect, but I believe I found the best!
What is your advise to women who have lost hope in love?
- Do not settle.
- Self-love is very important.
- Work hard and pray hard.
- Find your passion and purpose. I found my passion and started my cakes and events management business, and my husband is very supportive.
What do you love most about Pearl?
I love the fact that I am hardworking, and I never give up. I am a bubbly character and always smiling. I love empowering other women.
As a prominent baker, describe your love life as a cake flavour and tell us why!
I would describe my love life as vanilla cake because it’s smooth and sweet.
Facebook: Pearl Spilile Muguti Chifamba
Instagram: Pearl’s Cakes