You’ve heard it before, right? If you’ve been around long enough, it’s been said about you or someone you know. “She’s not ‘wife material.’” Or maybe you’ve heard its favourable opposite: “Now that’s ‘wife material.’”
Wife material.
I understand the concept. I do not, however, bend to it. Because really, what is that? Traditionally, it’s been ascribed to the woman who “knows her place” and has mastered the art of being seen and not heard. She is a whiz in the kitchen and keeps a tidy house. She never goes above budget and throws one hell of a dinner party. You know the one I mean.
Now don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against this woman. She sounds amazing. I’m just not her. Never have been. And I know far too many women trying to fit their giant feet into her pretty little Cinderella slippers. Women whose hair is determined to never stay in place, and who constantly say the wrong thing at the wrong time to the wrong person. Women who would rather catch a football game than go shopping for a new shade of lipstick because they’re perfectly happy with the one they bought back in 2001.
Consider different types of fabric. Cotton, silk, leather, velvet etc. They all have their own different sources of origin from animals to plants to some being man-made. They have different uses and they do better in certain conditions than in others. They grow different. Some are great for making winter clothes, or beautiful summery dresses, some are great for making bed linen. They also have different print patterns on them, to appeal to different tastes. Floral, houndstooth, stripes, polkadots or plain. Can you imagine if we used plain white chiffon for all our upholstery, towels, blankets, clothes, and shoes? How would that work out? And yet we try to fit our vast human experiences and origins and likes and dislikes and qualities into one little box labeled “Wife Material.”
The point I’m trying to make is, there is no point in trying to change a fabric just for the sake of using it in a fashion for which it was never intended. If a tailor wants to make a man’s suit, s/he will find fabric to suit that. You cannot use silk to make cotton pyjamas. In the same way, there is someone out there who would be more than happy to find the exact type of ‘material’ that you are, whether it’s loud, obnoxious,opinionated, ambitious and a little forward. Or maybe you’re quiet, shy, introverted, serious and reserved; home maker, artist, school teacher, or the head of a multinational corporation. Are you a master chef or is your biggest culinary accomplishment making a PBJ sandwich?
You are who you are and I assure you, you are enough. The fact is, if you really wanted to be the traditional depiction of The Perfect Wife, you could probably do it. But first of all, perfect for who? And secondly, how miserable would you be all the time?! Think, size 8 foot in a size 6 shoe. You could probably squeeze it in there, but it wouldn’t feel good and you’d end up walking funny with some crispy looking toes. Not a good look.
So keep up that goofiness, Sis. Be yourself and you will attract the kind of person looking for that je ne sais quoi that only you possess.