LaTonia Tillman was a teenage when she first noticed some white spots on her skin. Following a series of tests, she was diagnosed with vitiligo. The news was crushing. After years of struggling to love herself wholly, she is now embracing her condition and encouraging others to do the same.
The Weight She Carries recently interviewed LaTonia on her journey to self-love. This is her story.
What drives you?
Helping others and empowering people. My family and my kids are my biggest motivation. They are my source of inspiration and some of my strongest supporters. I’m a certified phlebotomist and have been for over 10 years. I work in the lab and draw blood. In addition, I have served over 18 years protecting (the USA).
When did you discover you had vitiligo?
I was 18 years old and a recent high school graduate. I noticed some white spots on my left wrist and then there was another spot on my inner thigh on my right leg. So, I went to the dermatologist to figure out what was going on, but back then we didn’t have a lot of research like we have today. There wasn’t a lot of information, but I did my own research and concluded that I had vitiligo. It was later confirmed that it was.
How did you take the news?
I was devastated but not defeated. Stress kicked in and I started to get more spots. After the diagnosis, I knew that my life would change tremendously knowing that there is no cure and the prognosis is unpredictable. And I didn’t know which way to turn because I was so young. We have no family history of anyone with vitiligo.
How quickly did the spots spread to the rest of your body?
It took a couple of years. I would get a spot here and a spot there, but I really noticed it when I became pregnant with my first child. It took off from that point.
It made me change the way I dressed. I stopped wearing shorts, I stopped wearing short sleeves. I’ve covered myself up because I didn’t want my spots to be noticeable. I didn’t want people to know that I was different.
People stared at me and asked me what was wrong or what happened to me. Some would sometimes ask me if I got burned. I would have to tell them that I had a skin condition called vitiligo, but it wasn’t talked about or known much about in the 90s as it is now.
And then the emotions: they brought some dark days. It made me sad and I felt lonely because I didn’t have anywhere I could go to for help. It was kind of depressing, but I was happy, too, because I was also having a baby.
How did you pull yourself out of that dark place?
God! It was also support from my family and staying busy. The baby kept me busy and I continued to pray and ask God to help me get through that time. I surrounded myself with my family and the turning point came years later. I underwent a powerful transformation and that’s when I decided to let go of all things that no longer serve me. I was intentional about embracing and accepting myself as I am, and I constantly reminded myself that no one is perfect. I turned it over to God and understood that He made me this way for a reason, so I just have to accept it because things could have been much worse.
What has this journey taught you about yourself?
The journey to loving myself has been filled with twists and turns. I have good days and bad days. I’m still on the path to loving myself and to knowing that I’m living in my truth. I can truly say that I like myself more now than I ever have, and I know that I will love myself more profoundly in the future. I am who I am and you can accept me for who I am or you can keep it moving.
When you decided to open up and start sharing?
I tried to open up in bits and pieces, but timing is everything. I wanted to come out with my story for a while and for many reasons. I wanted to celebrate myself on how far I’ve come in my journey, and in doing so, I could help others – not necessary with vitiligo, but maybe have a skin disorder. They need to share their story and help them embrace the skin that are in and move forward in life.
What kind of advice do you have for other women out there who have something about themselves that they are trying to cover up?
I would tell them to practice beauty from within. Beauty is only skin deep, and the most beautiful people shine from within. Accept who you are and rock it.
Vimbai E. is a content marketer, ghostwriter, and the founder of The Weight She Carries. With hundreds of articles and stories publishing online, in print and for broadcast, her love of language and storytelling shines through every piece of writing that bears her name.