“You know the feeling of wanting to be with someone but you can’t? That’s what I feel right now. You know that phase of denial? That’s where I am right now. You know that feeling of not even wanting others to have a good time because your world has been destabilized? That’s how I feel right now. Liza, I may not be with you physically, but you are with me in my thoughts. I love you and miss you. You are in my thoughts and will continue to be in them.”
This is part of the message I sent to my dear friend Liza Ngenye in early 2012 when I found out about her cancer diagnosis. Liza and I had been friends since our mid-teens. We attended the same high school in Kenya, and college in the US.
At age 21, shortly after graduating from college and starting a masters’ program, Liza discovered that the chronic cough and significant weight loss pointed to something dreadful which until that point she had known nothing about – Hodgkin’s lymphoma.
“I was at the height of my youth, full of energy, beauty and hope, and in a second all of that was taken away from me,” Liza told The Weight She Carries. “It was scary and I was certainly unprepared to deal with the short and long-term effects.”
Some of these effects included excruciating pain and several rounds of chemotherapy, which came with several side effects. Liza also lost relationships with some friends and family members who were unwilling to walk with her through her journey. However, she does not resent these people or even blame them. She prays for them and hopes that they are able to mature and learn to be more selfless.
Liza reckons the diagnosis was even harder for her parents to stomach.
– Liza Ngenye
Six months after her diagnosis and undergoing several rounds of chemotherapy, Liza was declared cancer-free. She emphasized just how agonizingly long six months can be, which to her felt like six years filled with several days when she could not get out of bed due to the pain. Even after the treatment, there was a long journey to full recovery.
Initially, as her body grew stronger, she often thought of the possibility of the cancer coming back. However, she found that with time, she began to think of it less often. She refuses to let that fear ruin the life she has been given. She is also able to fully appreciate what a great gift health is and to enjoy life’s little pleasures that she could not enjoy back then.
Liza’s journey allowed her to evaluate her priorities and “change the trajectory of [her] life.”
“…at 21 I wasn’t exactly living up to my God-given purpose and I believe God allowed cancer in my life as a “reset” button to do my life all over again and I’m grateful now, looking back, that my life is now aligned with God’s purpose for me.”
To those who are fighting cancer or are survivors, Liza offers the following advice:
“Hold on. You can outlast the disease, you will overcome it and nothing will stop the plans that God has for your life.” – Liza Ngenye
For those supporting cancer patients, Liza remembers how helpful it was for her when she was treated like a normal young adult instead of as a cancer patient. She appreciated it not only when people were there to support her but also to share their own joys with her and laugh with her.
“There is such a goodness in humanity that can never be known until you’re completely helpless,” she said.
She also encourages supporters to seek counselling. It can be easy to ignore yourself because you are not the patient, but there is a lot that you are going through and many issues that come up that need space and guidance to process. Prioritising your own need for help will in turn make it easier for you to care for or support your loved one.
Despite her ordeal, Liza would not change anything about her experience. Her faith played a crucial role in her recovery, shaping her relationship with God and her view of the world. Although she acknowledges that getting cancer, particularly at such a young age, should not have happened in a perfect world, she sees many other aspects of life on this earth as unfair.
She pointed out how our world is ravaged by poverty, preventable diseases, and other issues. Therefore, she does not live in self-pity but sees her experience as allowing her to learn how to tackle life’s challenges at such a young age.
“Everything that happened to me has made me flourish into the wonderful woman of God that I am,” she said.
Liza is currently pursuing a PhD in Health Communication and is based in California as an associate professor. She also leads is in a worship band, leads two Bible study groups for women, and also teaches the Bible to her church.
You can find out more about Liza’s story and get more snippets of wisdom in her book Honest Words: A Young Person’s Story and Guide to Cancer Survivorship. It was published in 2015 and is available through Amazon and Barnes & Noble.
