There is something about pain that easily clouds one’s judgment. And in that moment, nothing else matters.
I have been here before. I was trying to get over a heartbreak and it was not easy. I was convinced that no one would understand. Every step was as difficult as the as the first. I felt alone, and I thought that trying to explain or even seek help was just a waste of time. I kept thinking that everyone had their own lives, and no one would have the time for me.
There were a lot of people who were trying to convince me that I was not alone. But no matter how many times I was told that, I didn’t believe it. All I wanted to do was fight my battles alone and in my own space. I felt safer that way. I guess hiding my tears and hiding from “pity” made me feel safer, stronger and capable. In all honestly, this mentality just isolated me from the rest of the world.
With time, everything eventually fell into place. The load felt lighter and lighter by the day, until I felt I was finally ready to move on. I gave all the credit to myself because I believed I had fought my way back to recovery on my own. But the day after my traditional wedding, I got a call from someone I barely knew, and this is what she had to say:
“Shamiso, I am happy for you. It broke my heart to see you cry that last time and so I prayed for you. I asked God to wipe your tears and give your story a happy ending. I believe God heard my prayer and everyone else’s prayers. Look at where we are today, this is such a testimony.”
I realized then that I was wrong all this time. The truth is I was never alone, it was all just in my mind. You might not get a knock on your door or financial help, but that does not mean you are alone. It is not the tangible things that matter the most, but a simple gesture of goodwill goes a long way.
No matter how much it hurts now or how much you feel alone, you are not alone. Smile, pick up your pieces and keep moving. Believe it or not, someone else has your back.
