My Name is Samu Fortunate Zungu-Ludaka. I am a 33-year-old widow. I am a mother to my two biological children and one stepchild from my first marriage. I am passionate about women and their upliftment, which has led me to use my gifts, which are speaking and writing, to not only highlight issues, but to give hope and encouragement.
I lost my virginity to assault at the age of 15. And when I turned 16, I learned that the man who raised me all my life wasn’t my real father. At this point, I felt like I didn’t deserve anything good or beautiful because I had lost two valuable treasures.
That had an effect on my already low self-esteem.
I became a teenage mother at 18 to a baby boy, and by the age of 19, I was expecting my second child, a girl. At 20 years old, I married my first husband, who was the father of all my children and my stepson.
Because I had internal emotional issues I hadn’t dealt with, the new roles of motherhood, wife, and dealing with my past traumas took their toll on me. I felt like I had failed not only myself but my children. I dropped out of varsity, and I felt overwhelmed and stuck.
My relationship with my mother was a challenging one, and when I became a mother to a girl child, I felt I would fail her. So that made it hard for me to embrace and love her.
A month before my 21st birthday, I tried to harm myself. I was then taken to the hospital after I passed out. By God’s grace, I survived.
It was when I was lying on that hospital bed that I realized that I had to find another way of surviving. I decided to work on my relationship with my daughter. I felt that since she was still a baby, she wouldn’t know how I battled to love her. I had a desire to change this.
I am Christian, so I spoke to God about it all: the pain, the guilt, the self-loathing. I asked God to teach my heart to love my daughter, and by God’s grace, today I do. She’s my closest friend. She’s very affectionate, so I get hugs and kisses all the time.
At the age of 24, my first marriage ended in 2010.
In late 2012, I met my now late husband. He was a medical student trained in Cuba and worked at a world-renowned medical school in Johannesburg. We fell in love, and six months after starting his job as a medical intern, he paid lobola (dowry) for me.
In January 2016, we relocated to the Northern Cape, a big province in South Africa, where he worked as a medical officer. Due to the move, I resigned from my job at an accounting firm to be a housewife in the Karoo. To keep busy, I started a hair business.
Later that same year, my husband became ill. I didn’t think much of it. Until the harsh diagnosis and prognosis declared that he had cancer and he didn’t have much time to live.
It felt like a nightmare. It was like I was watching a movie.
My husband fought to stay alive, but on January 6, 2017, he passed on. He was 32 years old, and I had just turned 31,.
The funeral arrangements were challenging, from family feuds to insurance policies not paying out. But by God’s grace, he was laid to rest on the 14th of January 2017.
Two hours after seeing my husband’s casket lowered into his grave, I was left stranded without anyone to drive me from his family home to my home 671 kms away. I had no choice but to drive myself from Colesberg to my home. I had never driven a car for more than 5 km before, and this was a new car we had just bought a few months prior. I knew very little about driving, but it was either that or risk my own death at the hands of my in-laws.
My mother and aunt were the only passengers I had. Thank God we made it home safely.
When my second husband passed on, my grandmother suggested therapy, and that helped. I also joined a widows’ NGO called Hephzibah Oasis Widows Retreat Center for peer support.
My advice to any woman who has faced tremendous loss is: you’re created for greatness. It may not seem like it now, but you are, so fight for your dreams. Respect yourself and others, no matter how much they’ve wronged you. By doing this, you’re paving your way to a guilt-free life. Seek professional help, as this will help you deal with these issues in the correct way.
I consider overcoming everything thrown my way as an achievement. I have been through so many painful things in my life. I cannot mention them all, but today I have turned them into power. I am able to speak to so many different audiences and relate to them. And because I’ve been through so much, I’ve gained a wealth of knowledge.
Also, my relationship with my mother has been a work in progress. We’ve had to revisit the past in order to mend things, and it looks really good now.
