Do you struggle with keeping a healthy mindset when you’re down with pain? Me too. It’s hard to see how things will work out for you when all you know is the disruption of pain, missed opportunities, canceled appointments, and false starts. Living with endometriosis is costly – socially, financially, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. It almost feels impossible to progress in life. But did you know that it’s possible to still keep a healthy mindset when pain threatens to rob you of your hope and sanity?
Here’s what I’m learning:
- Be mindful of your thoughts. It’s easy for us to fall into the trap of believing that our world has come to an end when we’re hurting. It’s okay to acknowledge your state of pain, and it’s also okay to remind yourself that there’s more than your pain. Allow yourself to choose the thoughts you want to have, even in your most hurtful seasons. You can honour your pain and still be grateful. You can have joy and still grieve the loss of your time, opportunities, and strength when you’re hurting. When self-demeaning thoughts check in, give them an audience. With curiosity and compassion, write them down and then trash the paper. Then, remind yourself that you have the power to choose the thoughts you want to have.
- Only commit to what matters to you. Since we’ve suffered pain for some time, it’s easy to fall into the temptation to overcompensate for moments we missed showing up. When we commit to events that are not aligned with our core values, we betray ourselves. When we go against our core values, we set ourselves up for an internal disconnect, which can easily lead us to a state of anxiety.
- Evaluate your days based on your energy levels. It’s unfair to demand the same efficiency you have when you’re well on days that you are sick.
- Be gentle with yourself when you can’t show up for your friends and family. Letting your loved ones know that you’re not well is being considerate. They may not act immediately, but they will eventually show up for you when they know how and have the capacity to do so. Choose not to suffer in silence.
- Weigh and see how you can adjust to what the day presents. In the past, I’d starve myself when I wasn’t able to go out to shop for food. But when I learned that starving myself was a form of self-harm, I discovered alternatives that work for me on days when cooking and shopping are not possible. Nowadays I call deliveries. When that’s not an option, I’ve learned to reach out to a neighbor or a friend to support me in getting what I need. It’s okay to call in someone to help you; you’re not expected to brave through difficult days alone, and there’s no trophy for suffering in silence.
- Choose not to overextend yourself when your energy is back. Yoh! I learned this the hard way. I’m naturally an energetic human. I grew up doing things with vigor. Perhaps that’s what made it hard for me to have compassion for myself on days that I couldn’t do simple chores or when doing them would leave me feeling so fatigued. It’s easy to want to attend to every pending activity with vigor when we’re back on our feet. Forgetting to rest can easily lead us to the cycle of burnout. I know the urge of wanting to do everything that life presents to us, but just because you can do it, doesn’t mean that you must.
- Find an understanding person to talk to when you’re down with pain. Don’t feel guilty for being unwell longer than you expected. I pray you find someone who won’t shame you for hurting.
- Have a list of needs to help you prioritize when someone offers to support you. I’m learning to own my needs. Having a list makes it easy for someone to show up for me based on their capacity. We’re wired for connection. We’re not made to do life alone.
- Keep a gratitude journal. Among my daily practices, this is something I never miss doing no matter how ugly my day is; I always have something to be thankful for. Some days, it’s the ability to eat and enjoy a meal; some days, it’s the ability to leave the bed and shower; some days, it’s being able to use the toilet with no pain. Writing down the things I’m grateful for each day shows me how blessed I am, and it reminds me of the abundance my life bears and how much I’ve yet to explore and experience. This is one of the safest anti-depressants.
- Learn to be present. Eh, do you ever envision your funeral when you’re desperately sick??? Afraid that you might not see the next day based on the intensity of the pain? Yoh! How does that help us get well, though? Our fears when we’re hurting are valid. I’m learning to bring myself to the present even when my thoughts are chaotic. I try to stay grounded by writing them down, taking a walk, praying, doing art, watching my breath, letting water run on my hands, or enjoying some good music. Learning to be in the here and now allows us to see the possibilities we have in life and the options we have to improve our challenging moments.
- Have a list of things that soothe you. Pull from this list when darkness threatens to dim your light.
- Invite your loved one into your journey. You’re not burdening them. They care; it just looks different. Allow them to go through their journey of accepting your condition as well. Educate them about your condition and its impact. This will give them the understanding they need to support you. Remember, not everyone will support you, and that’s okay. You don’t have to share when you don’t feel safe.
- Get professional help with your stuck emotions. Living with chronic pain can affect our mental and emotional health. While reading books and journaling about your journey is okay, it’s also important to see a therapist to help you process the stuck emotions and provide you with the tools you need to maintain mental and emotional stability on difficult days.
May your journey be gentle.
Love,
Faith
Faith is a Children’s Content Creator at Learn & Grow enterprises, Storyteller and Mental Health Advocate. She tells her story to offer hope, help and healing to survivors of sexual trauma.