I waited almost 28 years to have my first child. I was not in a rush, in fact, I wanted to get married first. I told myself I wanted my relationship to be like my parents. They are my role models. They don’t hold grudges against each other and taught us, their children, the principles of life. I wanted my marriage to work just like theirs, but it was not to be.
I’ve had many setbacks in my relationship that makes me lose trust in men. Being a Christian, I wanted to do the right thing, but when it seemed like time was running out, I stepped out of the faith – still attending church but was doing my own thing.
One day I met this man who told me all the nice things that I wanted to hear. We started a long-distance relationship…corresponding by letters back then until he started to visit me.
I was living in the city, he was in the country. After a while, he came to live in the city as well and we got more involved. He was showing signs of trouble, but I was too blind to see because I thought we were in too deep to turn back now.
I would pray for God to change him. Eventually, he began joining me when I went to church. We got married in a private ceremony since neither of us was wealthy.
Then came our first daughter. Financially, things became difficult to manage – having to pay rent and buy the necessities. We had it really rough, but I still tried to fight even when he showed little or no interest. He wanted me to stay home because he didn’t want his child to attend daycare. But he couldn’t provide for us by himself, so I made the decision to work.
He wasn’t pleased, but I did it anyway. When I started working, it wasn’t easy for me but I pressed on even when I couldn’t see my way out. What I earned went from hand to mouth, but I still thought life was worth living.
Then came baby number 2. Things became worse. My husband became very abusive and treated me like I don’t belong…even in front of the children. Sometimes he would do things to punish me. Only God understood my tears.
At times we couldn’t afford food. After he lost his job, he didn’t want to work odd jobs so the pressure to provide was on me. He even moved out and left us to fend for ourselves. I continued to struggle with the children, but eventually, he came back and I accepted him. I justified it by telling myself that he was my husband.
He promised to be a better husband but things didn’t change for the better, they got worse. I tolerated the physical abuse until one day he told me that he would break my neck. I made up my mind to leave him. He is now out of my life for good.
It was a tough decision to make, it affected the children a lot more than it affected me. I hated him so much I didn’t want to see or hear from him. We had tried counselling, but it hadn’t worked because he didn’t seem to care. He tried to discourage me from doing the things I wanted to achieve. I started a business, he ran it into a wreck. So I knew he wasn’t for me.
We have been separated for 8 years now. My experience has caused me to hate men. I didn’t think I could manage but God kept me. I struggle to make up my mind to love again even though I’ve forgiven him and want to move on. I’m a single parent, it’s not easy, but my God has been good to us.
So whatever the situation is, I believe women should never give up because at the end of the dark tunnel there is light.
Signed,
Anonymous reader
