The following story was narrated to The Weight She Carries’ contributor Ivy Chibanda.
I should have made a better choice. Sometimes, I want to blame my parents for it all, but I often blame myself. Looking back, I have so much regret and although I have started over, my heart still bleeds.
I was born in a family of three children, and I am the only girl. I have an elder brother and a younger brother. I was good in school and was really focused.
My parents were happy with my performance and after passing with flying colours in primary school, they sent me to a boarding school. I continued to work hard, and I did well. I never focused on boys and I knew why I had come to school.
My family was not well off. My parents struggled to pay for my boarding fees and I only had the necessities. I aced my exams but unfortunately, my parents couldn’t afford for me to further my education, neither could they pay for a short course. I had to work, they told me. I was disappointed, but I understood where they were coming from.
I decided to go to Harare to find work. I got a job at some restaurant where I got money just to cover my rent and food. It wasn’t enough for me. I became friends with a girl whom I worked with. She was better off financially, and she said she would help me get a better life. She introduced me to prostitution, and I had to become a lady of the night.
At first, I was hesitant, I was a strong Catholic who had vowed never to engage in such activities. On the other hand, my salary was barely enough to take me through the month, and seeing my friend having a better life, I decided to give it a try.
At first, I cried after every night, but eventually, I became numb.
After some time, I rented a two-roomed flat where I had regular clients. I got pregnant and unfortunately, I did not know who the father was. I decided to keep my baby and gave birth to a little boy, whom I immediately took to my parents. I had to continue “working” for me to be able to fend for the family. Their lives had changed because of me. They had no idea what kind of work I was doing.
I continued and eventually I bought a nice car and things were going really well for me, which made my fellow ladies of the night jealous. They called the media and spread rumours that I was using black magic to attract men. For some time, I was in the press. That’s how my parents found out what I was doing for a living. They were disappointed in me, they never expected this from me. I convinced them they were just rumours, but they weren’t convinced.
One day, I got in a fight with a woman over a man, and I injured her. She reported me to the police and I was arrested. I spent the whole weekend in a cell and that’s when I began to reflect. Was this lifestyle really worth it? Of course, I had money, a car, a flat, but where was my happiness?
For the first time in years, I knelt down in prayer and asked God for forgiveness. I decided to leave the life I had been living. I found a church, and I was blessed as they welcomed me and did not judge me. I started looking for work and found a job that sustained me. I sold my car and moved to a place far from the Avenues, where I had been operating from.
I’d been used to a posh life, but I had to adapt to a new normal. I’m now working at a fast food outlet, and hope to advance my education to get a better life.
To any woman out there contemplating selling her body for money, take it from me, don’t do it. Sometimes fast money is enticing, but at what expense? Your body is God’s temple, don’t misuse it. There are many ways to earn money, prostitution shouldn’t be a part of your plans when things fail. No salary is beneath you, just learn to live within your means and try to develop yourself.
The harsh memories of the past keep haunting me and I wish I had never taken that path.
