Rebecca Auma spends her days mentoring girls and young mothers living with HIV in Migori County, Kenya. She knows all too well the devastation that comes along with such a diagnosis. Even more heartbreaking is how the young women she mentors contracted the virus – childhood marriage.
Auma was 16 years old and in high school when she overheard her parents discussing her future.
“I remember hearing my dad arguing with my mom about my marriage,” Auma told The Weight She Carries. “It shocked me, but I didn’t have any permission to ask them about it. Before I knew it, two men who came with cows for my dowry to marry me off to a man who already had two wives.”
The day she was taken to her husband’s home she was welcomed and celebrated. But soon after, life become very difficult.
“My days would begin very early in the morning, going to search for food to eat in the field. There was usually no food,” Auma said. “My husband could not provide food anymore. I ended up going to the neighbor’s home to wash their clothes or dig in their field in exchange for food.”
Five months into the marriage, Auma became pregnant. During some routine tests early on in the pregnancy, it was discovered that she was HIV-positive.
“It was difficult for me to accept that status. I cried a lot. I thought my life was over and that I would die. I was 17 years old. I didn’t talk to anyone about. It was too painful to share. And the fact that I was pregnant and sure I was going to give birth to an HIV-positive child was devastating.” – Rebecca Auma
Auma asked the counselor at the dispensary if she could abort her child.
“I felt very bad. The counselor asked me to accept my status, but I told her I needed time to think about it,” Auma said. “She asked me if there was anyone I could call, but I told her I needed to go back to my husband and ask him about his status.”
The counselor advised Auma to take medication to prevent the baby from becoming positive as well. She agreed and left.
“I went straight to my so-called husband and asked him of his status. His response shocked me. He asked me, ‘Are you afraid of being positive?’ I lost all control of my body at that point and fainted. When I woke up, I found myself helpless and hopeless. He knew before he married me that he was HIV-positive.” – Rebecca Auma
According to GirlsNotBrides.org, 12 million girls are married before the age of 18 every year. Tragically, 6,900 girls and young women between the ages of 15-24 are infected with HIV each week. In Sub-Saharan Africa, HIV/AIDS is the second most common cause of death in young women.
Despite these staggering numbers, many parents still marry off their girls to men who are often significantly older than they are.
Auma’s husband was 35 years old when he married her – almost 20 years her senior.
When Auma told her husband that the counselor had said he needed to be tested as well, he refused and flipped the script on her.
“He started quarreling with me every now and again, claiming that I was the one who infected his family with HIV. He fought me to the extent where I began to bleed while pregnant. He even took my clothes away. When I asked him for them, he refused.” – Rebecca Auma
“From that point on, I became his enemy and he started to fight me at every opportunity. The abuse forced me to call my mother using my neighbor’s phone,” Auma said. “When I called my mother and explain to her what was happening, she called the man and asked that we go to a different hospital so that we can be tested. He agreed to this.”
When Auma and her husband went for testing, they first went through counseling. They were asked why they wanted to be tested and Auma’s husband said it was because they wanted to know their HIV status. The counselor asked if either of them had been tested positive before, or had been taking medication but stopped. Her husband said no.
“So, we were tested at the hospital, but what I found out was that he had tested positive before and had been taking medication but stopped taking it after a year.”
“I have a lot of anger because he knew he was positive and could go on to infect me. It’s like killing someone yet you know killing is bad and against the Bible. His two other wives knew about his status and didn’t mind the fact that I, too, had become infected.” – Rebecca Auma
The emotional pain consumed Auma.
“Due to the abuse, I was forced to leave and go back to my mother’s home,” she said.
At this point, she was still considering terminating her pregnancy. Her mother, however, convinced her not to take that path but to continue taking her medication.
Because she took her medication religiously, Auma’s baby did not contract the virus. But word soon got out that Auma was HIV-positive and she was forced to disclose her status.
“I faced a lot of stigma at first. It wasn’t easy but because there are others who are undergoing the same situation and they are also helpless, I was able to comfort them,” she said.
Today she is doing just that. Women in her community know they can go to her for encouragement and advice.
“What I can tell girls or women who find themselves in a similar situation is that they should not give up. There is still life and a future for them. They should keep on taking their medication and they can still have children who are negative if they keep taking their medication faithfully.”- Rebecca Auma
To connect with Rebecca, or to get help for yourself or someone you love, contact her via email at rebeccaauma@gmail.com.
Vimbai E. is a content marketer, ghostwriter, and the founder of The Weight She Carries. With hundreds of articles and stories publishing online, in print and for broadcast, her love of language and storytelling shines through every piece of writing that bears her name.