I’ve struggled more times than I can count to adapt to the abrupt shift you bring. You’ve often come as a gift I could clearly recognize because you were bright and shiny and appealed to all my senses. I’ve welcomed you many times with open arms and found it hard to contain my excitement over the idea of you.
There are times when all you had for me was a one-way trip into the unknown; times I welcomed the adventure and knew that accepting you meant I could never go back to my place of comfort.
As you took my hand and I yours, I knew I was saying a final farewell to life as I knew it. And I was OK with that because I had the option of choosing you. I had carefully weighed the choice between you and the norm I had been accustomed to and you were the clear winner. The prospect of you was impossible to resist and satisfied my risk-averse nature.
Even though I knew there would be some slight discomfort with you, the pros far outweighed any negative connotation.
And then there were other times…
Times when you arrived with no warning and delivered devastating news. Times when you were ice-cold and skipped the pleasantries. You didn’t ask how I was or whether you were welcome. You barged in and violated my reality. I spent more time trying to figure out if you were serious than I did trying to understand you. I couldn’t accept you; it was too painful.
I tried to turn you away. I even brought God into it. I closed my eyes and rebuked you in Jesus’ name. I was sure you would bow in submission; then I would forgive your intrusion and we could go on and pretend like nothing ever happened. But when I opened my eyes, you were still standing there…unnerved. Still demanding far more than I wanted to give. You made it clear you were here to stay.
My dreams were dashed and I couldn’t bring myself to accept you. In the days that followed, I wondered how I would calm my anxiety as I grappled with what your presence really meant.
But over time, something became clear. My Heavenly Father allowed you because you came to interrupt a normal that I didn’t realize was eating me away. You had to be harsh and stern because you knew I never would have yielded to you otherwise.
So, here we are now…on an adventure of sorts. I didn’t like you at first, but I must say I have warmed up to you. I still don’t like how you rolled up on me though, but I’ve made peace with it. God sent you. You had orders you had to follow, and you were simply doing your job. And now my job is to cultivate a positive relationship with you because I know you will be a part of my life for as long as I have breath. Just be a little more civilized next time, mkay?
