
“Therapy is a gift. It is a chance to finally be heard, understood, and supported.” -Bessel Van Der Kolk
I don’t know about you, but I exist in a society where, though there seems to be an awareness of mental health, people are still skeptical about seeking support and following through with treatment. You’ll have a conversation with someone and hear them talk about the importance of mental well-being, but when they’re faced with a mental health challenge and need to see a mental health professional, many will settle for religious practices or pull the identity badge of: ‘I’m African, we don’t suffer such challenges.’ ‘This is a small issue.’ I’m not lazy.’ I’m not ‘mad.’ ‘What will people say?’ Does that sound familiar? That fear is normal.
Perhaps many reject the idea of seeing a therapist because they don’t know what happens in the therapy room or maybe they assume what they’ve watched in films is true about therapy. As a student in psychology, I’ll try to walk you through what you need to know about the therapy room and how to make it more meaningful for you. We talked about what to expect in therapy, you can read that here.
First, you need to identify your pain. Are you experiencing mental or emotional turmoil that’s inhibiting your daily functions for more than a week?
If that’s so, then you need to see a mental health professional ASAP! See a counselor or a psychologist. The mental health professional will conduct some tests or assessments on you to get a proper diagnosis and come up with the best treatment plan for you. Depending on the severity as revealed in the results, you may be referred to a psychiatrist or a more specialized psychologist. This doesn’t mean that your case is hopeless, it means that you’re in the process of getting the support you need.

Perhaps you’re wondering, but Faith, that sounds too complicated, can’t I just see a coach?
Well, I’m glad you asked. So, there are professionals trained as mental health coaches, I am one of them. Some psychologists choose to practice as coaches and counselors too. What will you get from a Coach? A coach is your best fit if you’re looking for support to get unstuck, navigate current difficulties, and achieve specific goals. Coaching is more future-focused while therapy focuses more on processing pain and treating different mental health challenges.
In 2021, just before I enrolled in my coaching program, I reached out to a coach. I was feeling stuck, lost motivation to do stuff I liked, was withdrawn socially, and living didn’t make sense. I felt like my dreams were shattered just because some of my prayers felt unanswered. I thought I’d get back on track by getting a coach.
The first two sessions were exciting, but I wasn’t making progress. My coach would share very sensible stuff, but none of those were making sense to me. I love structure, and coaching comes with tools to help in structuring and planning, but still, none of that was helping me get unstuck. I sort of felt like coaching was not for me.
Then, after some months, I got another coach. This coach helped me understand the difference between therapy and coaching. She’d redirect me to my goals every time I would focus on an issue that was unrelated to the set goals. That’s when I realized that I needed to see a therapist to help me address my pains and a coach to help me find stability as I pursue my goals. Knowing what help you need will guide you to the right person.
Many people, especially us Africans, prefer working with someone we know. When sourcing for help, please consider a personality that makes you comfortable. I figured that I respond well to a therapist who’s gentle and has a soft voice. Also, consider whether you need a male or a female therapist. When pursuing my goals, I preferred a male coach, because I lacked male guidance in my life growing up. Other things to consider: does age matter to you? Language? Faith? Location? Nationality?

Embracing Healing: A Personal Journey Through Therapy
When I first went for therapy, I didn’t know what to expect. The unpleasant flashbacks from unprocessed childhood sexual trauma attacked me for days and kept me in a cycle of dysregulation. So, I reached out to a friend…
How will I find the right therapist?
Good question. You can ask friends or check with a reputable mental health institution and pray that you get a good match. You may feel anxious because it’s your first time. But check how you feel after your second session. Be curious. Ask questions, don’t pretend when you’re not fine. Your therapy will be effective when you collaborate with your therapist in being honest, practicing what you’re learning, telling them if you need more time in between sessions, and telling them what works for you. Because I love reading, saying this helped my therapist recommend materials for me to read. If it’s challenging to do an assignment at home, tell your therapist and you two can come up with creative ways of supporting you.
Another thing to consider is finances.
You may be willing to seek help but can’t afford it. I’ve been there before and can tell how daunting that thought is, #hugs. But did you know that there are institutions that offer free quality services? Some churches offer free therapy sessions that are conducted by qualified therapists; some county hospitals have a resident counselor at least once a week. Some NGOs also offer free mental health support. You may need to check what is available in your area. Sometimes, reaching out to a therapist can also help. You never know if they can choose to serve you without charge until you ask.
Will I feel okay immediately?
Yes and no. You may feel okay that someone listened to you, believed you, and is supporting you, and you may still feel sad about the reality of having to process some unpleasant stuff that you may have been avoiding. Just because you’re having mixed emotions doesn’t make therapy wrong. Consider the pain we endure when a nurse is dressing a physical wound. Do they inflict pain to harm? No. In the same way, it may feel as though it’s getting worse, but remind yourself that you have support and you’re addressing a complex matter one step at a time; you can do this.
Has this made it easier for you to begin reaching out for help? Remember, you have the choice to stop what doesn’t work for you. But denying yourself a chance to be supported is not being fair to your lovely soul, dear human. 💜 Some people genuinely want the best for you. You are worthy of being seen, believed, and supported. Healing awaits you on the other side of therapy.
Love,
Faith.

Faith is a Children’s Content Creator at Learn & Grow enterprises, Storyteller and Mental Health Advocate. She tells her story to offer hope, help and healing to survivors of sexual trauma.