Dana* was married to Eric* and had a daughter with him. Eric and his mother would scrutinize Dana’s finances to the extent of examining her food purchases and trying to figure out whether or not she had gotten the most affordable options. As a result, she would visit several supermarkets to find the cheapest prices for everything she needed to buy.
Eric made all the financial decisions, such as vacations, furniture, and Dana’s car. He also began to use large amounts of money from their joint account to buy himself motorbikes without consulting Dana. Soon, he used up all their savings, leading the couple to declare bankruptcy.
Eric left Dana with a large debt and a poor credit score, which made her unable to get a mortgage or rent an apartment. As a result, she and her daughter had to live with her parents.**
Financial abuse is an element of most relationships that are abusive in other ways. It can also precede even more threatening forms of abuse. Controlling finances is a way of trapping the individual in the relationship. The perpetrator will often be generous in the initial stages of the relationship but eventually try to instil feelings of guilt.
Financial abuse can take on several forms, including:
- Controlling your access to money.
- Insisting on your incompetence with money.
- Insisting that as the breadwinner, he deserves to be in charge of the financial decision-making.
- Making all of the major financial decisions without consulting you.
- Making you account for every cent you spend.
- Pressuring you to pay for shared (or children’s) expenses alone.
- Preventing you from working or sabotaging your efforts to work (forcing you to work part-time or in a job in which you have no interest or skill, harassing you at work, keeping you pregnant, etc.).
- Spending your money without permission.
- Using money as a bargaining tool.
- Using your name or signature on financial documents such as loans, etc.
- Using you as a source for free labour.
[ctt template=”3″ link=”Esr3U” via=”no” ]Disputes around money are common for every couple. The important thing to remember is that communication is key and you should not feel as if you are completely powerless in the relationship.[/ctt]
If you think you might be in a financially abusive situation, consider contacting your local abuse hotline. The Huffington Post also has some helpful tips that might help you become more financially independent.
*The names in this story have been made up and any resemblance to the individuals’ real names is coincidental.
** This story was adapted from BBC’s April 24, 2015 “Financial Abuse: How to tell if your partner is a money bully” article by Brian Milligan.
