My Tears Don’t Mean I’m Not Strong

We keep hearing the same message phrased differently over and over again: Big girls don’t cry.

I came across three different women all going through the same pain, the same experience and the same stigma. They were all trying to deal with the pain of being sexually abused, but of course, those around them felt they were doing it the wrong way.

Grace had been told more than once that, “Big girls don’t cry.” She was supposed to find another way to deal with her pain that didn’t include shedding tears.

Mercy felt slighted by her mother’s words: “Why do you keep crying? Grow up out of your pain and move on.”

Then there was Ruth whose friends kept telling her, “Wipe those tears, girl. They will never change what happened.”

Some people perceive crying to be a sign of weakness, and something only meant for children. They believe that maturity is shown by one’s ability to hold back tears even when they are justified, and how quickly you’re able to dry your tears and move on – as though this is some standard used to measure a person’s strength.

However, I have come to the realization that despite what people think or believe, tears are not meant to be outgrown – they are an expression of pain. If it hurts, it hurts –  let it out! You have the right to cry as much as the little girl in the corner crying over the loss of her beloved pet. Holding back those tears will not prove how strong you are.

[ctt template=”5″ link=”a2ny0″ via=”no” ]Don’t be ashamed of your pain. Healing is a process. Yes, you will eventually smile one day, but you’ll have to fight through the tears and bad days. It’s part of the process. You are not weak![/ctt]


Your tears are yours and not meant for the next person. Some think that people cry to be pitied, but it doesn’t matter what others think or feel about your situation. Be true to yourself, and patient with yourself.  Believe it or not, you will feel a lot better after crying.

When the tears eventually dry, you will look back and those tears will be your source of strength.

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