Eleven years ago, she married her husband and didn’t expect to have any difficulty having children. But as the years went by, it became clear that she was having trouble conceiving. Though she had the full support of her husband and family, she felt stigmatized by her community. After years of physical and emotional pain, she decided to use her pain to help others.
Editah Hadassa met her husband when she was in high school. The pair met in a church setting and soon become friends. Two years later, they married.
“We weren’t trying for a baby at that point,” Hadassa told The Weight She Carries. “We started trying after three years.”
The only symptom Hadassa had consistently experienced was painful cramps during her period, but never thought her cramps would affect her ability to conceive.
Her doctor discovered she had cysts which she was treated for. However, the pain did not subside.
“I remember going to different gynecologists, then finally I was diagnosed with cysts and fibroids,” Hadassa said. “I had surgery to remove them. The doctor didn’t mention any issue when it came to infertility, so I was hopeful.”
Three years later, her cramps persisted, and she still had not conceived. Hadassa sought medical attention again, and this time, was diagnosed with endometriosis. She needed another operation.
“The doctor said it had just started, so I was put on hormonal therapy. Again, I wasn’t told anything about infertility,” Hadassa said. “All he mentioned was that my uterus was now clean, he had scraped off all that he could, so now we could start trying again after six months.”
Nothing happened.
“It was very difficult at fist. I was easily crushed when people would ask me about it. I’m an introvert, so I would suffer in silence. Village visits were very hard because as much as my immediate family supports me, or my in-law family support me, it was the extended family that were hard to deal with. At family gatherings, it’s all eyes on your tummy. So I remember being so uncomfortable, wondering who to talk about how to deal with this.”
– Editah Hadassa
The National Institutes of Health (NIH) estimates that up to 80 percent of women have fibroids by the age of 50. However, most women don’t experience any symptoms and may be unaware that they have fibroids.
Women of African decent are more likely to develop fibroids than women of other ethnic backgrounds.
Endometriosis is a painful disorder which causes tissue that normally lines the inside of a woman’s uterus to grow outside the uterus.
The main complication of endometriosis is infertility. Roughly one-third to one-half of women with endometriosis have difficulty conceiving.
“So many people offered us herbal medicines to try. There were so many offers for those,” Hadassa said. “We didn’t bother telling people that it was endometriosis. We just told them we would let them know when we were ready to try their remedy.”
Due to endometriosis and fibroids, Hadassa would often be bloated, triggering congratulatory messages from those around her.
Hadassa desperately searched online for a support group to help her deal with the emotional pain. What she discovered was that there weren’t any support groups in Kenya addressing infertility.
“Because of our African culture, infertility is stigmatized a lot – childlessness as a whole,” she said. “Most men do not accompany their spouses to the hospital for a check-up. My husband came with me, was also checked and found to be OK.”
She decided to be the change she so desperately needed. Hadassa and her husband decided to go public with their story and founded Waiting Wombs Trust, an organization that supports women and couples in their journey to parenthood.
“We asked ourselves, ‘What if God wants to use our pain to bless others?’ We knew we were going to face harsh comments from the community, but we prayed about it and decided to go forward,” she said.
Hadassa shared her story in a Facebook post in 2017 and the response was overwhelming. Some people expressed sympathy, while others thought the couple was just seeking attention.
“At the bottom of the post I announced that I had created a group for people to join if they were going through the same thing. Within a few hours, 100 people had joined the group. We are currently almost 8,000 members,” Hadassa said.
Waiting Wombs Trust creates awareness and provides support and a sense of community for families who are in the child waiting period.
The organization is holding its Annual Ladies Conference 2018 from Sept. 21-23 at The Pelican Lodge Lake Elementaita.
The journey had been tough for Hadassa, but she has come to find healing in healing others.
“I’ve also learnt that referring to women as barren is really, really hurtful. I’d rather you say anything else – say I’m waiting or trying, but the term ‘barren’ is difficult to carry,” she said. “Infertility is not attached to me – it’s not written on my forehead when I walk around. Childlessness does not define me.”
Vimbai E. is a content marketer, ghostwriter, and the founder of The Weight She Carries. With hundreds of articles and stories publishing online, in print and for broadcast, her love of language and storytelling shines through every piece of writing that bears her name.