Barbara Kamba-Nyathi was born in Zimbabwe and later moved to Namibia where she resided for 10 years with her ex-husband.
In 2009, Kamba-Nyathi was diagnosed with cervical cancer after living in Namibia for a year. Her main support was her then-husband.
“I like looking at all things that happen in a positive way,” Kamba-Nyathi told The Weight She Carries. “He was there to serve a purpose in my life. As a medical doctor, he helped understand my condition and all that was going on with my body, especially with endometriosis, which I was later diagnosed with.”
The couple never had children.
“I have been operated on 13 times. I believe that endometriosis is the reason I never had children, as at most times, I wasn’t on a contraceptive but never fell pregnant,” Kamba-Nyathi said.
In 2012, Kamba-Nyathi woke up deaf in one ear. Her ex-husband referred her to an ENT specialist who did many tests, including an MRI scan, which revealed that there was nothing wrong with her ears.
“Instead, they discovered a swollen gland in my brain – the pituitary gland,” she said.
It was at this stage that the ENT specialist became alarmed and suggested she have surgery, which Kamba-Nyathi refused to have. To this day, she doesn’t know whether the gland is still swollen or not.
In 2016, Kamba-Nyathi had a hysterectomy.
The changes in her body and the swollen gland affected her hormonal balance. She explained that she can get “cranky” sometimes and can go from being very happy to very sad, or angry. But her ex-husband informed her about a natural supplement that helped stabilize her mood.
A year later, after 14 years of marriage, Kamba-Nyathi and her husband parted ways.
“I divorced my ex after he was involved in a series of extra marital affairs and the fact that he became very emotionally abusive,” Kamba-Nyathi said. “He would always try to break me.”
Trouble in their marriage began when he started complaining that she did not need him enough and was too independent, she said.
“I have always been a go-getter and goal driven, but at that stage he tried by all means to break me,” she said.
Last year, Kamba-Nyathi filed for divorce, which was uncontested, and in four months she was divorced. However, after the divorce, her ex-husband began harassing her continuously, she said.
“I made the decision to move away from Namibia as a way to avoid his harassment and came back home,” Kamba-Nyathi said.
Because of her experience as a therapist, many women came to Kamba-Nyathi speaking about abusive relationships and marriages but they were not able to speak out or leave, she said.
“I realized that being quiet does not help. It is not only uneducated or homemakers that suffer abuse. Even educated and professional women suffer abuse. My ex is a medical doctor who knows well the reparations of abuse and having multiple sexual partners, but that did not stop him.”
– Barbara Kamba-Nyathi
Kamba-Nyathi decided to speak out about her own experiences and made the choice to leave her profession as a therapist to start her journey as an inspirational speaker.
“I want to raise awareness in women that they should speak up whenever they are in abusive relationships and do away with protecting the perpetrators because of society,” she said.
Kamba-Nyathi says she is a published author today because two people greatly inspired her: Marvin, her publisher, and Zinzi, her friend who saw an author in her a long time ago – before she knew she was capable of such.
“They believed I had a story to tell, which I now realize I do. And I have a lot of stories to tell, not only one,” she said.
Kamba-Nyathi said her inspiration comes from every woman who goes through each day despite being abused or suffering from ailments, but are able to wake up and live on.
“These women are my role models,” she said.
Barbara believes she has a purpose to help others heal and overcome all that they are going through.
Lessons Learnt:
- Nothing can break us, it can only bend us. No matter what it is, we always spring back stronger.
- We should never be ashamed of the scars that we wear. Your scars are your medals of honour, wear them with pride.
Her Advice:
- Do not wish for the good old days. Let’s use our past as a point of reference for our future selves. For darkness to be there, light is always there somewhere nearby. Use the time in the darkness to help you grow and reset your goals.
- Let us love and be kind to one another as you never know what the other person might be going through.
- Do not be judgmental.
Achievements:
Kamba-Nyathi is an author, inspirational speaker, social psychologist (though not practicing), and started a master-class series titled “Rise Above Your Circumstances,” which has eight modules.
She has written three books. The fourth one is to be released in January 2019.
