When life gives you lemons, you are expected to make lemonade, but uuuum….it is not as easy as that! My name is Chamu Sue Ellen Chaunoita. I am 35 years old and a single mother of two beautiful girls. Today, I am a purchasing clerk at a tobacco company in Harare, Zimbabwe, a diploma graduate in office administration and a certified nurse aide with the Zimbabwe Red Cross Society. I am also an aspiring writer and am working on releasing my first book and music soon. In addition, I am a businesswoman who sells clothes, shoes etc. I also make beaded jewelry and crocheted items…everything from bags to earrings, but my journey to this was not smooth at all.
In 2001, I found myself getting into a child marriage, not by choice but because of relatives and religion. By then, I was attending an apostolic church due to the fact that I was living with my father since the passing of my mother. It is true what the Shona idiom says, “Kusina amai hakuendwe” (a place without Mother is not a place to go to). This became my life story.
At the age of 15, I found myself being accused of sleeping around by my own relatives whom I thought could protect me, but my story was different. My own grandmother and aunty accused me of not being a virgin anymore when we went to a meeting for girls to be checked for their virginity by elderly women. This became my downfall because they knew that if a girl is found to not be a virgin, the only option is to get married, and that is what they had for me.
This birthed my marriage to a man who was more than twice my age. I became his 7th wife and a mother at 15 years old. Life was very difficult for me, starting from giving birth as I was very tender at the time.
He passed away when I was just 19 years old. At this stage, I thought I had overcome, but alas, life had more things waiting for me. I got married again in the same church because of the pressure it was giving me, saying that I had grieved long enough; it had only been three and a half years.
In this marriage, I really suffered more. My then-husband was very abusive, and his family did not accept me because I had a child. They called me “Gonyeti” in Shona, and they forced my ex to marry another woman when I was just a few months into that marriage. This destroyed me, but I had to be strong since I had my daughter and I was pregnant already.
I stayed with my ex for four years thinking that he would change. Ladies, let me tell you something. We can never change anyone no matter what!
I used to endure all the abuse he did to me, be it physically beating, emotionally (saying words that cut my heart so deep because he knew that I had no one on my side to fight for me in my father’s house) and mentally (on this one, I was really pained many times, and if I am to write it all, I can fill a small book).
God’s grace was always with me. He healed my wounds that could have taken my life.
At some point, I almost died due to heart problems because I had lost my daughter who was in my ex’s care. He took her by force when she was not feeling well to Bulawayo with his second wife. How she died broke me into pieces. The following month, my other daughter also left me to be with the Lord. The pain was just unbearable, but God stood by me through it all.
The decision came in 2013 that enough is enough when he married my cousin sister, and I had told him the previous year that if he did that, I was going to leave him. But he didn’t take it seriously and thought that I would have nowhere to go. Indeed, this was a very bold move, but it was for the best. I left him pregnant, and today, my remaining daughters thank me because I saved them from going the same route I did.
In all these pains, I became strong. And today, I can overcome anything that comes my way. The pain birthed the woman I am today. To other ladies out there, I want to leave this with you: never give up on your life dreams no matter what comes your way.
I went back home and started living with my sister and her family with my children. Mind you, the other one was just still in my womb and yet to be born. I told myself, ‘This is the time to proceed with my dreams.’
I went back to school to do my O-levels, and because of my condition, I had to do just a few subjects. I chose to do six, and this was to be achieved in nine months. In between, I had to go and give birth, nurse my kid and then go back to school. With focus, determination and, above all, God, I managed to pass four subjects with great symbols, but this didn’t discourage me at all because I knew my goal.
I went again the following year and wrote the two that I had failed, and I passed one subject. I kept on doing the other one that was left until I got it. Today, I can proudly stand when those with O-levels are called. So never give up on pursuing your dreams. It doesn’t matter what stage you are. You can still get an education qualification.
In all this, hope kept me. Today, it still keeps me going because I haven’t yet reached my destiny and my dreams. I know that God is by my side, and I will make it.
Being a single mother is not easy, but ladies, I want to say never stay in a relationship that is abusive. You will leave those children in more suffering when you die than you will by leaving that man and taking care of your kids on your own. And lastly, I want to say let us work for our children so that we can be a good example for them in the future. Let us keep our values and morals straight because these kids emulate what we do, be it boys or girls. Let us teach them good values of life.
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