Rediscovering Herself: Ayana’s Journey of Faith, Healing, and Preparing for Love

After years of believing marriage was not for her, Ayana Miller set out on a path that would challenge her understanding of love, identity, and the plans God has for her.

For much of her life, Ayana imagined a future as a single woman. She had plans to live independently, take care of herself, and build a fulfilling life without marriage. It was a decision she held onto through her twenties and into her early thirties.

But somewhere along the way, something began to change.

“I don’t have a specific moment, or experience, or memory that shifted my intentions or my desire towards marriage,” Ayana told The Weight She Carries. “It just kind of happened.”

Ayana began to wonder whether God was awakening a desire that had not previously existed in her.

That change in perspective is what eventually led her to JournHE to the AltHER, a mentorship program designed to help women prepare for marriage. Yet, as Ayana has discovered, the journey has been about much more than preparing to meet a husband. It has become an opportunity to confront old beliefs, rediscover forgotten parts of herself, and learn what it means to love herself through the lens of her faith.

Today, she describes herself as someone who is learning, perhaps for the first time, who she really is.

“I am exploring, reconnecting with myself, who I was as a child, and I am rediscovering my interests and my hobbies and just things that I had forgotten.”

At the heart of this rediscovery is a growing understanding of her identity in Christ.

“I also am a child of God. I’ve come to realize that I’m very loved by Him. I have finally realized my identity, who I am in Christ, which I think is one of the most important things that one can realize in life.”

This realization has begun influencing how she approaches relationships and how she understands the work God is doing in her.

The Memories That Shaped Her

Born in Berrien Springs, Michigan, Ayana moved to California before her first birthday. She lived there until she was ten, when her family relocated to Ohio, which she now considers home.

Her mother homeschooled her and her siblings during their early years. Family life revolved around shared meals, time outdoors, and the everyday experiences of growing up together.

Her father, meanwhile, maintained a garden. The children helped dig the ground and pull weeds before he planted vegetables and other produce. Zucchini, tomatoes, and cabbage grew particularly well, while the watermelons, she jokes, never seemed to reach an impressive size.

Growing up in a Seventh-day Adventist family, Ayana was raised with particular religious practices and values. Sabbath observance and church were central to family life.

When the Desire for Marriage Changed

Ayana did not date in high school and dated only one person during college. For much of her adult life, marriage was not something she wanted.

Then, in her early 30s, her perspective began to change. She decided to put herself out there and explore dating. She spent several months talking extensively with a man, although they never formally entered a relationship. The experience did not turn out as she had hoped, leaving her hurt and disappointed.

“Part of the problem was that I had not yet developed a strong enough understanding or appreciation of myself. I allowed certain behaviours to continue, even though that’s not what I wanted in a relationship,” she said.

The experience prompted Ayana to consider what needed to change.

“I thought to myself, I need help to become a woman who can attract men of quality and men who are going to treat me well,” she said.

In 2025, Ayana met Dr. Cindel Pluviose, her mentor and pastor’s wife. Cindel shared her own journey towards marriage, and Ayana became interested in the possibility of creating a mentorship program to help other women prepare for that journey.

That conversation helped set JournHE to the AltHER in motion.

For Ayana, the program represented an opportunity to receive the guidance and healing she felt she needed to recognize and build a healthy relationship with a Godly man.

What she did not anticipate was just how much the process would challenge her to examine the relationship she had with herself.

Learning to Speak to Herself with Grace      

One of the most impactful parts of the program came early, during a session on self-affirmation.

When the program began, Ayana had already started learning that she needed to be kinder to herself. She was becoming aware of how often she criticized herself and how deeply certain negative beliefs had taken root.

The session on learning to love, appreciate, and affirm herself felt like confirmation of the work God was already beginning in her life.

It also encouraged her to become more intentional about her daily affirmations. Ayana would identify negative beliefs about herself — particularly those that touched her deepest insecurities — and rewrite them as affirmations that expressed the opposite. She would then speak those affirmations to herself, deliberately challenging the thoughts that had previously shaped her self-perception.

The practice began to change how she showed up in the world.

“I’m not fully there yet. To be honest, I’m not fully there yet. It’s a journey, so it’s a process.”

For Ayana, the lesson is not about convincing herself that she has no flaws. It is about learning to recognize her value without allowing her imperfections to diminish her worth.

Understanding Relationships, Boundaries, and Discernment

Another important part of Ayana’s experience involved hearing from men about what they valued in a woman.

During one session, Cindel invited her husband and a friend to share their perspectives. Some of their responses surprised Ayana, and she made a point of taking notes.

She came away thinking about the importance of remaining authentic while also considering how she presents herself to a potential partner.

For her, the lesson was not that she should abandon who she is to attract a man. Rather, she began to appreciate that if she was preparing for a particular kind of relationship, she needed to think intentionally about the choices she made and how those choices might be perceived.

A gathering with married couples from surrounding churches left a different but equally lasting impression.

The couples shared their stories of meeting their spouses and offered counsel to the women. Ayana enjoyed hearing their experiences, but what particularly moved her was how they looked at one another.

“I thought to myself, I need someone who will look at me the way each and every one of these couples look at each other.”

The gathering also created space to ask practical questions about relationships, including communication and boundaries.

One discussion centred on late-night texting. Ayana reflected on her own experience and her concern that conversations held late at night could gradually move into territory that one or both people might not have intended to enter.

A couple explained that even when someone feels comfortable discussing a particular subject, the same conversation could affect the other person differently, potentially encouraging them to cross boundaries they had previously intended to maintain.

Choosing Growth, Even When it Feels Uncomfortable

As part of her journey, Ayana is preparing to participate in the JournHE to the AltHER Christian pageant—an experience she says she would never have imagined herself pursuing.

“I don’t particularly enjoy public speaking or formal settings, and I have often felt awkward in those environments. But I see the pageant as an opportunity to challenge myself and grow beyond what is familiar.”

Ayana is especially looking forward to sharing what she has learned about loving herself. She hopes that speaking about her experiences will encourage others to examine their beliefs about themselves and recognize the healing that can come from seeing themselves differently.

She is also looking forward to the talent portion of the event, where she is considering singing a song that resonates with her personal journey.

Ayana is working full-time while attending nursing school, a demanding combination that requires considerable commitment. Alongside those responsibilities, she is participating in a journey of personal growth that asks her to confront fears, challenge negative thoughts, and embrace opportunities she might once have avoided.

“I don’t have to be perfect. I can be afraid and still move forward,” she said. “I’m proud of the dreams. I’m proud of me becoming me, me appreciating me, and me loving me.”

Perhaps this is what makes her journey so relatable. Growth does not always begin with certainty. Sometimes it begins with disappointment, an uncomfortable realization, or the recognition that something needs to change.

For Ayana, the desire to prepare for marriage opened the door to a deeper journey of self-discovery.

“It is never too late to begin learning who you are, to challenge the beliefs that have held you back, and to treat yourself with the grace you are learning to recognize in God.”

Her journey towards the altar is still unfolding. But along the way, Ayana is discovering something important: she does not have to become someone else to be worthy of love. She already is.