The Thoughts of an Insecure, Troubled Soul

They say everyone is beautiful in their own way, everyone is unique, everyone is important, everyone is valuable, everyone should be comfortable in their own skin, and so on. They say a lot of things suggesting I am beautiful and somehow that is supposed to make me feel good about myself.

This low self-esteem always seems inescapable.

Contrary to what they say, when I look at myself in the mirror I do not see any of that. My eyes see what they see, then my mind convinces me the beauty others see is over-exaggerated. At the end of the day, all I know is what I think and what I see.  All I think is I am just an ordinary girl and there is nothing special about me. I have never felt my own beauty but borrowed it from those who claim they see it.

I do not how I got to this point but I know it drains me and I cannot live like this anymore, I am tired. Each time a compliment is passed, I feel more comfortable when I take it as sarcasm. I look forward to a day when all this negativity eventually fades away, and I feel good about myself.

I have seen how others are comfortable in their own skin and I would love that for myself, too.  It probably won’t happen overnight, and I don’t know how to get over my inferiority complex, but I know I will get there someday.

Wishing is not enough, I have to put an effort to make this work. The change I am looking forward to requires some work to be done first. I probably have no specific plan laid as yet but like they say, “where there is a will, there is a way.”

I am going to figure it out and go to every length to change how I feel about myself. I am sure that one day I will learn to love myself and see what they all see in me. In the meantime, I will work hard to get there.

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