As I was walking past a shop window in town, I was reminded that we are in the month of love. Red outfits, red roses, red wine – everything red!
All that took me back to my days in high school where everybody yearned to receive a gift from their high school sweetheart, which was the climax really of our relationships during that time.
Out in the real world, I quickly realized that love meant something quite different from what I was used to at school. First of all, there is more heartbreak and hurt. And as for me, who had gone through sexual trauma, I sought love in every crack and crevice I could find to no avail. For them, I was just another acquisition. Yet to me, it was a search for love and belonging since I had known rejection from the very beginning of my life. I mean having a mother leave me behind in the hands of a cruel guardian. Is there a greater rejection than that?
A complete paradigm shift came one midmorning when someone said to me I was their destiny. I asked him if he knew what the word meant, and he was like, “That’s you.”
That statement alone made me feel safe and secure. I was young, but the declaration hit me like a ton of bricks, for I was searching for something like this. And now 13 years down the line with three beautiful boys, we are walking out our destiny, hand in hand, each step at a time.
Not only has he held my hand during my healing process, he still dances for me to this day. He laughs with me. He corrects and prays for me every single day. Just saying this on paper makes me realize that I am blessed beyond measure. Sometimes I find myself rejecting his love because the fear of rejection rises up again unexpectedly at times, but he will say or do something that will remind me that I am wanted, loved and appreciated for all that I am.
John Legend summed it up in his song “All of Me.” He said:
All of me loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections…
We are far from being the perfect or ideal couple, but that’s the joy of it alright. The lowest valleys and the highest peaks make the scenery of a place look ruggedly breath-taking, and that’s how our love is. That’s what makes it all so beautiful: the highs, the lows, the turns and the detours.
