Why This Former Single Mom Tells Others to Never, Ever Give up on Love

Photo provided by Cecy K.

Cecy K is a lively YouTuber from Namibia who shares her life experiences and insight on a variety of topics ranging from life in Namibia to single parenting. In addition to meaningful discussions about life and relationships, her YouTube channel is peppered with light-hearted videos of her doing the latest TikTok challenges or dancing with her kids. It’s evident that this fun-loving NUST graduate believes in living life to the fullest.

Although she is now married, Cecy was once a single mother and knows the difficulty of raising a child alone and how unkind society can be towards women who are solo parenting.

“I really didn’t have somebody talk to me about the consequences of having a child early or before marriage,” Cecy told The Weight She Carries. “Many times I think back and say, ‘I wish I would have known.’ This is why I always want to speak about these things because I know that someone, somewhere is going to learn from it.”

Cecy spent the first six years of her life living in a village in Namibia before her family relocated to the city. Raised in a Christian home that attended church frequently, Cecy sang in her youth choir and attended Bible study often. Her mother, in particular, was strict.

“My older sister went out a lot due to peer pressure,” Cecy said. “I was the second girl, and my mom wanted to be sure that I didn’t go down the same path as my sister. So she raised me in such a way that it was just home – school; I couldn’t go anywhere else. I didn’t know anything about boys until I went to university and had the freedom to do whatever I wanted.”

After university, Cecy began dating a man and eventually fell pregnant. Though unplanned, the news didn’t rattle her much. At the time, two of her friends had children out of wedlock and her own sister was a teenage mom, so there was no reason to fret.

“At that point, I didn’t see it as a problem,” she said. “I had my own job and I’d finished studying. I didn’t think about ‘no babies before marriage’ that had been taught throughout my childhood. I felt I was ready and could provide for myself.”

Growing up in a community where having a child was praised because it proved one was able to conceive added to Cecy’s bliss. What she didn’t realize then was how difficult it would be to raise a child single-handedly. The father of her child suggested she terminate the pregnancy because he felt he was too young to be a father.

“He was never present. In fact, my parents, as I speak, don’t know who he is. I had to be the one that had to make an effort to bring him into the life of my child, but I got to a point where I decided I wouldn’t force him to do something he didn’t want to do.”

Cecy worked hard to provide for her child and juggled her mounting responsibilities at work and within her family. Then, a few years later, she decided to give love another try and fell in love.

“During my second pregnancy, my partner was very supportive. He was working and providing for us. But it so happened that just when I had my second child, he lost his job,” she said.

The responsibility to provide for her children fell solely on Cecy. Her parents were supportive, but society was cruel. Knowing her parents were in her corner made all the difference to her, and she learned to block out the negative perception many expressed to her and her parents.

“I would hear neighbours making comments that they’ve never seen the father of my first child, but it didn’t really bother me that much because I felt like these are the people that don’t matter. What do they have to do with my life? Why would I let an outsider put me down?”

“People in the church are very judgmental, but I believe that God is for everybody, and I really thank God for my life. Everything I have done, every battle I won, it’s because God loves me. For me, God is personal.”

Cecy began to explore other streams of income to support her family. Meanwhile, her relationship with the father of her second child continued to deteriorate. The couple kept up appearances, but behind closed doors they were far from a happy couple.

“For a year, we were not really together; we were saying together, but not together. We both had our own lives we were living,” she said.

Eventually, Cecy realized that she could no longer stay in the relationship but remained hopeful that she would one day find the right man for her.

“Despite all the issues that I had in my previous relationships, I still knew that there was somebody out there who would love me the right way. What I needed to do was to work on myself in the meantime. Once you work on yourself, you know what you want and you can go the right direction,” she said.

Cecy took time to reflect on some of the mistakes she had made in her previous relationships and chose to use them as learning experiences she could grow from. She also became clear about what her vision was for a relationship based on her ideals and not the environment around her. She had spent so much time trying to conform to who the world was telling her to be that she had sacrificed who she truly was.  

“When I moved on, I knew what I wanted, and I found it.”

Cecy is now married to a man who loves her children as his own. The couple has a blended family and respect each other’s responsibilities to their children.

Encouragement for single mothers:

  • “Most of the time, we ignore that voice inside us. We usually know when someone is wrong for us and that the relationship is not going anywhere, but we still force ourselves. You have to listen to that voice inside you.
  • “People may refer to you as damaged goods, but I want to tell you that you are not damaged, you are still a queen. You still have value.
  • “Never, ever give up on love. People find love even in their 60s or 70s. It doesn’t matter what age you are, never give up. That somebody is going to walk into your life one day. Keep believing and keep working on yourself.
  • “If the people around you or people that really matter are not giving you a hard time… they’re not reducing you to nothing because they’re a single mom, that gives you the strength. No matter how much you feel like you’re not worth it, just remember the people around you that love you.
  • “Never forget to put your children first. It’s very important. There are single dads that are looking for somebody who is going to be a good mother to their children as well. So there is always somebody out there for you. Take good care of yourself, take good care of your children, take good care of your mind.”

Do you have a personal experience you’d like to share to encourage other women? Email us at info@theweightshecarries.com to share your story!

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